Sunday, August 10, 2014

Ah Ha Moment

A long time ago, in one of my college classes, someone asked the professor what was the difference between Fate and Destiny.

"Fate," she said, "Is something you don't look forward to and are not glad you have it."  "On the other hand, Destiny, is what you can't wait to get to because you know you will love it."

Most of my life has been Fate. What is the phrase, "...the fickle finger of Fate..."? Well, it's been slapping me around most of my life. I've spent many years trying to figure out why my family treats me the way they do. Oh, I know most of it is because THEY are broken and it has nothing to do with me; however, there are some things that I've believed are directly related just to me.

Well, one of those things came to light the other day. During my adulthood, I asked my mother sever times if I was adopted. Not because she treated me so badly, but because I don't look like the rest of them and there must be something about my adoption that upset her. Well, I'm not adopted, my oldest daughter looks a lot like my mother, so that's not it, but it left me wondering - again - just why Mom seemed to hate me and went out of her way to hurt me.

A friend of mine may have discovered the reason.

We were having a Coke and talking and I shared a story about my dad and me when I was very young. Dad often went against my mother's wishes to let me have fun. Dad dressed me up and we went outside in the pouring rain so that I could play in the rain. Mom didn't want me to go out and she didn't let my older brother and sister go out, so it was just Dad and me. We had a blast! 

I guess when I think about it, Mom could very well have been jealous of the relationship I had with Dad. It was so fun and so carefree and it was that way even after I got married. 

Well, it was also very childish of her. She was the adult, she should have behaved better.


1 comment:

Kate said...

I can very much relate to this. My mother was obsessively jealous and hateful. Especially to anyone she perceived as a threat to her having my father. She cut out many of his extended family, because of that, less competition and I think it is horrendous when you consider a child competition. But as I said, I can relate.

Good and healing thoughts to you.