Sunday, February 9, 2014

Normal Isn't Really There

Well, "normal" didn't last too long.

I can't get over the feeling of such loss. I lost my mother a year ago last December. Along with her, I lost the whole family that I grew up with, it seems. I keep reading all the self talk stuff, but it's only that, talk.

There have been a few enlightening bits of information, tho. Just yesterday, I heard something on Pinterest (huge fan)  about it being the feeling of what used to be and not the people that I'm missing. That's true. So - very - true. But emptiness feels the same, no matter where it is generated from.

I still have my daughters. But they have their lives and I rarely hear from them. I feel so alone.


I'm watching the Beatles special and loving it -- and realizing how much of my life has been wasted or lost, or whatever. I also realize I'm depressed. Not in a good place. Haven't been for a very long time.

Seriously, I watched The Last Unicorn this afternoon and I cried all the way through it. Gosh, but what I realized is that I want so much for someone to care about me THAT way - and no one ever will. I wasted my life loving a man THAT way and he didn't care at all about me. What a fool. What a stupid, stupid fool.

1 comment:

child of God said...

O hon! I am so sorry you are feeling so lonely and sad. If it helps anything at all, please know there hasn't been a day gone by that I have not prayed for you, sometimes many times a day. I really wish I could offer you some help and I do have something to give you and that is there is someone who really does care for you and love you. You have heard me mention before, God, the Creator of all, He sent His Son Jesus Christ to reach out to you. He truly loves you and will never fail you.

Praying for you dear one, praying.