Saturday, November 3, 2012

Trains and Tracks

I just knew if I stood on the track, a train would come. Always does.

I've spent way too much time the past 2 months with my mother and sister - along with that came the possibility of communication from other siblings.

Work has been difficult the same 2 months because of the obsessive coworker. She is making me nuts!!

I haven't spoken with my youngest daughter - they are busy and her husband is still a bit cross-wise over me getting mad at their dog for attacking mine.

My older daughter still isn't communicating much. She called last week in tears, but wouldn't tell me why. I tried not to pry too much, but the call left me itching with worry for her. After the call, which was so very short, I began to feel as if I was standing on train tracks leaning forward looking for her and worrying about her and wondering if she is okay.

Instead of prayed for answers, a train came along and smacked me flat. Today, I spent 2 hours with my therapist. I haven't been to see him in awhile and I'd almost forgotten how just the sound of his voice can calm me - and sooth the open wounds from the train hit.

I had gotten overwhelmed trying to deal with my mother - who rarely, if ever, acknowledges my oldest daughter and her children. I always leave Mom feeling beat up and hurt. I don't have a close friend so I have no one to share all this with and it sort of snuck up on me - you know, the train.



Kate said...

So sorry. I can relate so much, even though our abuse stories are different, I associated with my mother and sister when I was an adult too much and even though there were months at a time where I avoided them, I always regreted seeing them because of all the emotional damage they would cause me, often hurting me so casually and so easily.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Child of God said...

Oh girl! I'm here and praying and praying for you. I'm not a therapist and hard to call one on the internet a friend, but I do have an ear and a heart for God and I will be standing in the gap for you.

I'm listening...


Just Be Real said...

My hugs extend to you dear one. So very sorry.....

Grace said...

Thinking of you ivory....always! g