Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Jealousy

.

I find it sadly interesting how at work, people believe my life has been touched by the wand of goodness and light.

Social Services. That's where I work.. My peers can't seem to get past the fact that I'm not working 2 jobs, I don't use the f-word , I have only 2 kids (neither of whom are living with me, thus leaving me free to my money on myself), and I've never been arrested and I don't like to get drunk.
.
Because I don't talk about my past, they assume there isn't one. They call me "princess" and "privileged" because during my marriage, my ex made a lot of money and I came out of my divorce with all the material things.

I can't talk about my past because it would shock their tender sense of human nature.
I can't tell them that I have DID - they wouldn't be able to relate to me at all, then.
I can't work 2 jobs, tho I need the income of same. DID symptoms pop out all over when I get too tired or stressed.
Only one of my daughters knows who I really am. All of my peers were lucky enough to raise their children AND none of them were raped.
I don't drink for obvious reasons and I work hard at keeping a good reputation. My peers share a history of drugs/drinking/whoring.

I see the oddity of what I'm writing (I bet you believe social workers are held to highest standards - think again). Honestly, had I known that a prerequisite for working here was lack of morals, I would have turned down the offer and the irony of it all is that they don't like me much because they are jealous. Still, that leaves me on the wrong end of things. Have I mentioned that I'm the only one in my unit who has a degree? Another reason they don't like me - they believe only the privaledged go to college.

They believe they have suffered more than anyone (they wear their sordid pasts like body armour and dare anyone to have been through any worse experiences). They believe they alone have the right to "understand" our clients because they "have been in the trenches". They believe they alone have the right to judge and sentence everything that everyone does and says, including me. Interestingly enough, tho, they are nice to me, they just don't respect my education and they try at every corner to correct my opinions, my ability and education.

The whole of it all is so -- backwards.

Jealousy is such a revealing thing.
Thanks everyone, for listening.

Ivory










5 comments:

Child of God said...

I hear you!
I use to drive a transport truck across Canada and in the eastern states. The company I work with was a small outfit and I knew all of the employees. The dispatcher pulled me aside one day and said to me, "What's a girl like you doing in a job like this? Your too 'clean' to work here. Don't you know nobody likes you? You make their lives look like sh-t." I was so totally shocked by what he said and hurt to my core. Did I have to be some whore to work with them? Well, that just made me dig my heals in more and really do a great job.

I know it hurts and your like, 'hey I have my issues too.'

Thanks for sharing hon, your not alone.

Blessings,
<><

Ivory said...

Thank you, Child of God. Truly, I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone sometimes, and it's not even because of the DID!! Seriously, I'm not sure sometimes how to handle a 'normal' Twilight Zone, it's sort of out of my knowledge bowl.

Just Be Real said...

Ivory thank you for sharing your feelings. In reading what Child of God's comment to you, I quite agree with her. I felt I have always stood out like a soar thumb among others and frowned upon if they felt I did not fit in with them. Blessings and hugs dear one.

Ann Marie said...

It seems that when a person gets overwhelmed all extra kinds of things get piled on too ... like this one with your peers. Hard to say then which came first the chicken or the egg. I'm fortunate in having lost my work peers at the end of last year. Don't miss them a "shrug." My sweetie always said if you want to really upset them ... just do your work ... it will bug the hell out of them! ;)

Our best,
Anns


http://annsmultipleworldofpersonality.blogspot.com
http://newsdidmpd.blogspot.com

Kate said...

How insulting and abusive of them to say those kinds of things in a professional environment let alone as governmental office.

I have come up against others at work knowing nothing and concluding everything about me. People like that are evil.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate