Friday, July 22, 2011

Jeeze, an Awful Week

I do "intake" for a certain agency. That means I must "interview" many people. I have interviewed a certain gentleman several times. This week, however, when I walked into the lobby and called his number, a woman stood and walked toward me. I'd never seen her before, but her name was actually on the application, so I wasn't too surprised.

What happened in that interview room was awful - awful for her, and triggering for me. Awful, Awful, Awful.

When I commented that I didn't think we'd met, because Husband usually comes in, she looked like a deer in the headlights. Her eyes watered and her face flushed.

She told me that only a month after the last time I spoke with him, he was arrested by the Feds. Surprised, I asked, "Why!" Wife then went on to explain that he had been the target of a federal sting and had been soliciting a "16-year-old girl" on the Internet. It was leud, to say it nicely. It was also really a Federal agent.

I was stricken with memories of my own experience with a pedophile and could barely breathe. Wife silently cried. Awful. I ended up crying with her; she was so hurt, betrayed, and humiliated because she hadn't known anything. In fact, Husband was so controlling that after he was carted off, she panicked when the first utility bill came to the house - she had never been allowed to handle money or pay any bills. She told me she immediately called her mother and cried that she didn't know where to pay the bill. Oh, God. My heart broke for her.

My heart broke for all the children who are so trusting and innocent. When will it end.

I then watched the special on JC Dugard. Well, I saw the beginning and 15 minutes of the end. Another part of me was too unwilling to let me see it. I ended up calling up Mr.S and had a 2 hour session. Mr.S reminded me that it's not about me, it's about the evil of the bad guys. I understand that, I get it. But what upset me so badly was that my superviser knew why Husband had been arrested and didn't warn me. I had the right to know that and Husband certanly didn't offer it up to me at any of the interviews with him.

Once again, I was not allowed a choice and that's what makes me angry. ... He seemed so damn nice and normal. I was decieved again.


Child of God said...

Oh!! I am so sad to hear that you had to go through all of this. :( Seriously, I wish you worked in a better place.
No person should ever be abused especially a child. Talking to your T is a very good thing. The more you talk the better it will be for you.

I am a Christian and I know in Jesus there is healing, total healing for you. This evil is bigger than you or I can see or understand. I am keeping you in my prayers.

Praying for you girl,

Bee said...

I don't know what to say... This is horrible and so so sad. I wish these things wouldn't happen. It seems like the ones who hurt the most appear to be the good ones, masters at deceiving. All of the lives he's destroyed...just awful...

Just Be Real said...

I am so very sorry that you were triggered Ivory at work. My t. last week also mentioned about the interview with JC and suggest I see it. For other reasons. Safe hugs to you dear one.

Kate said...

Hi Ivory,

Abusers look like everyone else. It is not obvious and I'm sorry that you were judgeing yourself and that this was so triggering. I would have been very trigered as well.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


castorgirl said...

I'm sorry those who knew about his arrest didn't tell you Ivory, it would have been professional to do so. But don't be so hard on yourself, it sounds like he is the sort of groomer who has a secure outward appearance of normalcy. That can be impossible to see through.

Take care,