Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Home Again, Safe At Last

Home Again, Safe At Last -- That is a quote in the children's book, The Berenstain Bears and the Spooky Old Tree.

I used to read that book to my daughter and would hold her tight while we read it and I'd tell her she was safe - not to worry or be afraid. There was always a sigh of relief when I would read those words to her. Until now, I didn't fully understand that huge shaky sigh.

This evening, after 4 weeks, I had a session with Mr.S. I really felt jittery and skittish when I first went thru the door (that's a post for "things I don't say"), but after only a moment or so, the familiarity was back and we were on to what brought me there.

I was surprised as how easily I talked about myself, after 4 weeks of complete radio silence on any subject about me. I find it very difficult to be so introverted and quiet - by nature, I'm out-going. But on the other hand, I've been very worried because I've been diagnosed as having cluster headaches. So far, I've had a headache for a whole month - without relief. I finally forced myself to go to my family Dr.

Therein lies the "unsafe" part and why I was so afraid. I don't know about any of you, but I am absolutely terrified that someone will find out I have DID. Who better to get it out of me than my family Dr.? It could totally ruin me, because I believe that most people wouldn't understand, or even want to. I resisted going to get help until I nearly had to go to the emergency room - OMG that would have been worse!

After talking it over (again) with Mr.S, I feel safe and secure, as I always do when this particular problem crops up. Just going to therapy made me feel Home Again, Safe At Last...   ...SSssiigghhh...


Just Be Real said...

Like your new blog look and I am glad you are home safe and sound dear one.

VICKI IN AZ said...

Ivory. I am glad that you feel safe. What a wonderful feeling. Thank you so much for your warm welcome. I feel as if I am home again too. I have missed you.
Take care of those headaches and keep us up to date on how you are.

castorgirl said...

I'm glad you were able to get that sense of safety and familiarity again.

I know what you mean about going to see the doctor. But wow, having a headache for a month... ouch!! I hope the doctor could help.

Take care,

Ivory said...

JBR - Thanks! I have been changing it a lot lately.

Vicki - I'm glad you are back and feeling safe, too!

CG - Normally, I don't get headaches, so yes, this sucks, but the medicine will eventually get rid of it, but the next day - it's back. :'(