Saturday, April 30, 2011

A Life So Fragile

My niece just had a baby. Now that the family is trying to act like a family and including me in some things again, my niece (Niece), texted me the baby's photo just hours after her birth. I don't usually think babies are even remotely cute, let alone beautiful, but Baby is beautiful. (even with her little cone head that she wears proudly to show her strength and determination of coming into the world).

But how safe will she be.

Looking at the photo of Baby, took me back many decades ago and I couldn't help but relive that short 30-45 seconds I was allowed to see my own baby - before she was stolen from me. [Just to elucidate: my baby was not taken from me by social services because they had investigated me and found me an unfit parent. My parents told the Dr. I was giving up my baby and I was targeted because someone knew someone who wanted a baby. A lady, saying she was from social services, came and made me sign papers telling me I had to sign them to get my baby back, when in reality, they were consent to relinquish custody papers. In other words, she was stolen.]

My baby's crying woke me up and I turned my head. There she was. The most beautiful baby I'd ever seen in my whole life. Just as I wanted to smile in the warmth of her cries, a nurse wheeled her away. I didn't see her again for 30+ years. Every day of that time, my arms ached to hold her and I never lost sight of that one and only "snap-shot" memory photo I have of her and the sound of her voice as she cried.

I constantly worried that she was unhappy, mistreated, abused, scared, and worse - dead. As I watched my younger daughter grow up, I often compared my feelings of love, worry, pride, etc that I felt for her to what I probably would have felt for my older child. My younger daughter taught me love, companionship, motherhood, patience, and giving - and how to let go without forgetting. She also has encouraged me to reconnect. I learned a lot from her, I hope she always knows how much she is loved and appreciated.

As I open my text and look at Baby's picture, I want to cry with relief that she will go home to a family (the whole family) who want her and love her and I pray she is always looked after and kept safe from harm. Life is so fragile, it only takes a moment to sever that delicate net of security and protection.

Happy Mother's Day next week, everyone.


d'Artagnan said...

wow. What a heart-wrenching story.


shatteredone said...

How... absolutely horrific that they stole your baby from you!
:hugs: I am glad you found her, but it's terrible how long later it was.

Kate said...

Happy Mother's Day dear.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Shen said...

I hope Baby will have a long and cherished life, in which she is loved... that is the most precious gift, in my opinion.

I'm so sorry you lost a child in such a hard way.

Ivory said...

d'Artagnan, Welcome to my life! While, yes, it is difficult to imagine, and remember - the greatest joy was hearing her voice on the phone. It was not the first time I'd heard that voice!

Shatterdone, We are going to petition the courts to open her sealed records - as soon as I figure out how! Then we will know all the players.

Thanks, Kate! I am so very thankful for all of you, too!

Shen, Baby is working thru all of this. She had a nagging feeling her adoption was "off". I also had that feeling from the beginning, but it was when we got together and shared our thoughts that we put some of the puzzle together. Baby had a hard childhood - she lost her parents before she was 16 - and she is trying to trust that I love her and she wants me to love her - that is a blessing.

Child of God said...

Hi Ivory,
I came over from JBR's blog. I saw your comment about how you don't really know if God exists and I felt God urging me to pray for you, may I?
This is very sad about your first daughter and I can only imagine how torn you are inside over it, but I am so thankful that you have a younger daughter, one whom you can love and mother, one who has taught you so much.

I will be praying for you but still would love if you personally gave me permission to, I believe God wants to hear that.


Ivory said...

Child of God, You have my permission to pray. Thank you for your encouragement. :)

Child of God said...

Thank you for the permission to pray for you!

I will bend my knee in intercession for you.


Just Be Real said...

Dear Ivory, I so appreciate your input. Thank you for your latest comment to me. Dear one I can only extended heartfelt hugs to you on your precious loss. ((((Ivory))))

Just Be Real said...

Came back by to give you another safe ((((Ivory))))