Update: I had a session yesterday. I tried to explain the chaos I talked about in my last post. He kept telling me (basically) that it is normal. He said even he has times when he can't concentrate on what's going on in the present.
I didn't want to keep contradicting him, so I just listened after a minute.
Sometimes, I can say only a few words and be understood by everyone, other times, I can speak volumes and can't get through to anyone! Unless my T is DID, he didn't understand.
Maybe he was thinking that I meant I concentrate on something else, when I should be taking part in the current conversation: Sort of, only I'm not concentrating. I'm strung out along the track of all the color I see, waiting to be set free.
Maybe he thinks it's like when I just daydream. Hardly. I'm not conscience enough to be dreaming.
Maybe he thinks I just have "too much on my plate" and I can't focus on anything else. Nope. I have no life, nothing on my plate at all, actually.
See? I can't describe it. No wonder I feel as if T didn't understand.
Okay, one more time: It's like when a box full of puppies is tipped up on only one end and they all go sliding to the other end. Each one is being pressed sideways by the others around her and they all begin to try to get their little noses up high so they can stretch up, thereby, crawl to the top of the dog pile. Each time one of them gets up a bit higher, someone will move, the high one will slide back down and a different one gets her chance. The box is my mind. I don't concentrate on it - I feel it, I disappear into it, under it. I get lost in the chaos of it.
Do you think he would understand that? Or am I still at the bottom of the box?