Monday, February 7, 2011

So Not Fun

I went to my session on Saturday. I'm not sure I feel any better.

Mr.S told me that he has taken the job with the State. [He'd be crazy not to take it.]
I pretty much knew that when he called to change my appointment to Saturday. He assured me that for now, nothing would change for me. I will still get to talk to my therapist, I can still call his phone or email him. But...

Things feel so different. He wants my appointments to be around 6 or 6:30 pm AFTER work. With the kind of work I do, my mind is literally dead at the end of the day. Once I get home, I shut completely down. It takes a lot of energy to get going again before morning. Meeting that late at night for that reason might be nearly impossible. I don't know if I can do it and work on problems I have without making the problems worse.

And then, as I was leaving, the lady behind the counter told me Mr.S is going to rent a room 10 miles away and will do business there for a few private clients, after he gets home from work. I don't think that would be a problem really, it's the time that's bothering me.

Am I just making more of it than I need to?  Why does it seem bigger than it needs to be? How can I intellectually see this shouldn't be a problem and emotionally, I'm a mess over it?


Just Be Real said...

Dear one, I see it boils down to change. I do not like change. Here listening to you Ivory.

Michael Finley said...

I do not think you are making a to big of a deal of it.

Different times are a different dynamic. It is not the same and will be an adjustment if you keep seeing this therapist.

There is no way to know how you will adjust to the change.

I think you can make what ever changes are needed. I trust that you can do what is best.

Paul said...

Ivory, I don't know if these will help, but here are some ideas.

Maybe you can try the 6PM time and see how it works? Maybe on the day you see him, you can try to make work lighter in the afternoon so that you are more relaxed when you see him?

Ivory said...

JBR - I don't usually dislike change - that's why this is such a perplexing thing!

Michael, thanks for the confidence. I hope I don't do a full out panic over this!

Paul, I will probably try it at 6 but as for making work lighter in the afternoon: I can't. I "interview" people that day and I don't get to set up the appointments. I can't change the day that causes more problems for the rest of me than changing the time. I will have to just try it, I guess. Thanks for the suggestions!

Exhale said...

I agree with what everyone else has have nothing to lose by trying. I am sure through this exprience you are going to learn something positive about you.

Bee said...

I had to switch from meeting first thing in the morning to meeting after work... It was a VERY difficult adjustment at first because I was so worn out by the time I went to my session. But now that I've gotten used to it, it's actually been able to help me more. It's going to be a difficult change but it's always worth a try. I hope everything works out for you.

Ivory said...

Exhale - I hope I learn something positive and not that I'm a wuss.

Bee, Thanks, I'm still waffleing between, "Nothing to get excited over", and "OMG, I can't do this!"

castorgirl said...

There is a different dynamic in going to therapy before or after work. I usually go in the morning, and often find it difficult to "package" myself up so that I can function at work afterwards. I've been going after work for the last two months and it is a much better experience for me. I take my time getting to therapy - sometimes having a coffee to unwind. I'm the last appointment, so I don't feel the clock-watching pressure (even though my therapist still keeps to time), and I don't have to "package" myself up and force myself to interact with people afterwards.

Just based on what I experienced, I'd try the time which forces the least amount of time pressure on you. You need to unwind from work before going into "therapy mode".

I know what you're saying about being tired at the end of the day. I've often arrived at therapy totally exhausted from the work day, but have still had an incredibly productive session. Sometimes it means that my guard isn't as strongly up, and I'm more open. Sometimes it means we talk about things that we wouldn't have otherwise.

I don't know if my experience helps or not, but I'd strongly suggest that you give it a try for a couple of sessions. Like anything, a new routine takes time to settle into.

Wishing you all the best,

Just Be Real said...

Came back to give you a hug. ((((Ivory))))

Ivory said...

CG: I hear you. I used to go in the morning, too, and then I'd have to go to class. That was so difficult. As it is now, I get off of work at 4 and seriously, I'm mentally exhausted, but my sessions were right after work. Once I get home, my brain shuts off and it takes a lot out of me to rev it up again for therapy at a later time. I'll be going at 6 or 6:30 - by then, I'm in my jammies and waiting for 9:00 so I can go to bed. I have no choice but to try it - or go without. Thanks for your concern, I feel better when I hear that others are dealing with the same things and finding ways to cope better. I can use all the advice I can get. :)

You are so sweet, JBR, thanks!