Saturday, November 6, 2010

Pavement of Lies

Castorgirl at http://www.scatteredpieces.org/2010/11/the-passenger/ has written about how she sees herself, how she feels. I am impressed and saddened by her revelation. CG addresses the emotional dichotomy we all feel after being in the grip of abusers. Life suddenly becomes a dual universe for us.

bad/good  (i.e. I'm bad, everyone else is good, etc)
weak/strong
stupid/smart
sad/happy
ugly/pretty
frown/smile
cry/laugh
ignorant/wise
repulsive/desirable
fat/thin
cowardly/brave
worthless/valuable
evil/angelic

The list goes on. I was convinced I was all of the bad ones. Oh, they didn't tell me I was ugly or unwanted in the beginning. It was quite the opposite, but once I had be "soiled", I was reminded that now I was not wanted and of no "use" to anyone, so it was in my best interest to allow them to "want" me.

Although the ritualistic abuse stopped by the time I was 12, I believed them for the next 35 years.

They have not won. I will not be silent. They will not win. We must never be silent.

The road to healing is paved with many fallen abusers and their lies.

3 comments:

castorgirl said...

I'm glad you are able to see through the lies you were told Ivory... really glad.

Take care,
CG

Michael Finley said...

I use the phrase emotional dissidence. I typically use it privately as people hear cognitive dissidence which is not what I meant and is why I did not say that.

I think I like dichotomy better as it seems to say better that it exists and does not need to where the dissidence seems to say I have to find a way to accept it.

I will try it and see where it goes.

Just Be Real said...

Strong post from you. They cannot silence us is right. Blessings to you dear one.