Castorgirl at http://www.scatteredpieces.org/2010/11/the-passenger/ has written about how she sees herself, how she feels. I am impressed and saddened by her revelation. CG addresses the emotional dichotomy we all feel after being in the grip of abusers. Life suddenly becomes a dual universe for us.
bad/good (i.e. I'm bad, everyone else is good, etc)
The list goes on. I was convinced I was all of the bad ones. Oh, they didn't tell me I was ugly or unwanted in the beginning. It was quite the opposite, but once I had be "soiled", I was reminded that now I was not wanted and of no "use" to anyone, so it was in my best interest to allow them to "want" me.
Although the ritualistic abuse stopped by the time I was 12, I believed them for the next 35 years.
They have not won. I will not be silent. They will not win. We must never be silent.
The road to healing is paved with many fallen abusers and their lies.