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For the first time in 6 years, I joined my whole family for Thanksgiving dinner. I felt as if I spent the day in a foreign country, or on another planet.
Usually, when I have a DID moment - it's only a moment. Coming out of it always leaves me with the feeling of just having time warped into the current conversation. Even though that happens, there is always continuity of season, time of day, and almost always, I know where I am, it just takes me a few minutes to regroup.
Six years has changed everyone. The last time I was around them they were so much younger. The little kids, my great neices and nephews were not yet born. I couldn't find a way to catch up and the whole day moved too fast for me. Everything was a blur. There was laughter, reminiscing, mini-football for the 3 and 4 years olds and lots of food.
I felt as if I was a stranger. I was so quiet that my mother leaned over to me and asked if I was writing a book in my head about everything I was hearing. I just smiled and told her "no", but I was trying to update the memory of my brother who now is slighting balding AND with snow white hair. I was trying to grow up my "little" nephew who is now a man with tattoos, and not mourn my little brother who has gotten old in my absense. I don't know how to deal with all this.