Thursday, November 25, 2010

Life Moved On

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For the first time in 6 years, I joined my whole family for Thanksgiving dinner. I felt as if I spent the day in a foreign country, or on another planet.

Usually, when I have a DID moment - it's only a moment. Coming out of it always leaves me with the feeling of just having time warped into the current conversation. Even though that happens, there is always continuity of season, time of day, and almost always, I know where I am, it just takes me a few minutes to regroup.

Six years has changed everyone. The last time I was around them they were so much younger. The little kids, my great neices and nephews were not yet born. I couldn't find a way to catch up and the whole day moved too fast for me. Everything was a blur. There was laughter, reminiscing, mini-football for the 3 and 4 years olds and lots of food.

I felt as if I was a stranger. I was so quiet that my mother leaned over to me and asked if I was writing a book in my head about everything I was hearing. I just smiled and told her "no", but I was trying to update the memory of my brother who now is slighting balding AND with snow white hair. I was trying to grow up my "little" nephew who is now a man with tattoos, and not mourn my little brother who has gotten old in my absense. I don't know how to deal with all this.

5 comments:

Kerro said...

Hi Ivory - wow, that must have been such a spin out for you. It's no wonder the day passed in a blur!

I was wondering, do you have to "grow" them all? I mean, what happens if you just leave your brother, your nephews, and all the others just as they are?

castorgirl said...

Are you glad you went Ivory? It sounds more overwhelming because of the changes, rather than negative - or am I reading it incorrectly?

Sounds like you need some quiet time to ease the sensory overload and process what you saw...

Go gently on yourself over the weekend.
Take care,
CG

fromthesamesky said...

Wow, that sounds hard. :(

Ivory said...

Kerro, "spin out", that's a good way to explain it. :) I don't think I'm trying to grow them up, it's just that I went there expecting to "know" everyone. It was definitely a shock, when no one's looks were what my memory had. I felt like a stranger when I know I wasn't.


Castorgirl, yes, I'm glad I went because there was nothing negative on their part. THAT felt good.


SameSky, It was very hard. I sat at the table in the sun room, away from the other dining room and where I couldn't see people in the living room. Mom and my sis joined me and tho others came and went, we 3 just stayed there and that helped some - being still, feeling safe.

Michael Finley said...

I am glad you are glad you went.