My mother has again asked me to type up her Christmas letter. She doesn't like to "bother" the others. Also, they don't do it as well as I do. :)
Anyway, my point is while typing it up from her notes, I found myself trying to change the grammar and verbiage so it doesn't always read, "…is going to school and liking it." Lame. My mother has 11 grandkids and 13 great grandkids - several of them are in school and she wrote the same for many of them.
Also while typing this letter, my thoughts wandered and thought of how Mom always uses her children, grands, and greats to identify herself by. She has no identity of her own. Three years after my dad died she still couldn't use her first name when signing a check. She thought no one would know who she was.
In her Christmas letters, Mom never says anything about herself, she never tells her friends/family anything that she done or experienced in the last year. That is so pathetic and sad, yet I feel bad for her. I don't want to be like her. I'm wondering if that's what got me abused - she wanted someone to think highly of her for "complying" with their wishes. Was she trying to get some attention for herself? Lord knows my father had a strong wonderful presense and back then, most wives were little more than maids.
Did she want to feel important, be important? Was it so great that she allowed me to be used and sold? Did she know what was happening to me? Did she care? I don't know that she had any prior knowledge, I'm just speculating, like I always do this time of year.