Thursday, October 21, 2010

Am I Really So Different?

I can't help but ponder some of the posts I keep reading. We all want to have peace, stability and respect from family/friends.

So - - why does this not happen?

Yesterday, I went to where one of my clients goes to school. She was ready to take a test 2 weeks ago and then lost interest. Science. She hates science (so she ended up telling me). It's my job to help her get past this kind of thing and encourage her to move forward.

As I sat in an empty office with her, I listened to her cry for calmness in her home life and some much needed peace and support from family instead of their usual judgmental, controlling attitude. Eventually, I ended up explaining enmeshment to her. She easily recognized it in her personal life. People in her home: Mom, Dad, older sister (with 7 year old daughter), older sister (with 1 year old daughter), and herself (with 2 year old son). They live in a 3-bedroom apartment. Drugs have been an issue for all three girls in the past. You get the physical picture.

What caught my attention, tho, is the way they are literally in each other's lives as if they are all an extension of each other. They criticize, underscore and "bate" each other. My client is not without fault, but she sees that she needs positive support and that she is running on high octane all the time because of the "flight or fight" emotion of her household. She can't escape it, it's become a part of her and it is taking it's toll.

That isn't so different than how many of us with DID feel: Smothered, unheard, broken, unable to achieve, held back by invisible hands and DIFFERENT -- because someone else says so. Not fair.

Recently, I've read on a few posts that our ability to process and think and use mental prowess will help us and I believe they are right. I've experienced that for myself already. It's our state of mind and unwillingness to allow social construct to tell us we are too different or broken to matter or to achieve. They are so wrong. Most DID's are very intelligent, yet we all let the greater society's opinions define us.

Being able to dissociate, for me, is way beyond something a normal person can do. I have come to believe I am special for it, tho sometimes I cannot control it, sort of like someone sneezing - fairly harmless. It's only when I allow it to freak me out that I can't cope; otherwise, no one knows, no one sees (unlike a sneeze).

As I've said before: She who cares the least, has the most power.


Michael Finley said...

Sometimes I think society is best at handling only being better than average at being average.

castorgirl said...

I wonder if it doesn't happen, because we don't respect ourselves yet? We're at different stages of getting there, but I know I definitely haven't. If I don't respect myself, then I don't have appropriate boundaries. That means that people can walk all over me, and I don't know how to stop them. Society still appears to have a low tolerance for people who are different or not "strong"... what they don't see, is that we are strong in other ways.

I know that's a generalisation, so it won't fit everyone...

Take care,

Ivory said...


I agree, and the greater number of society members ARE average. It's also human nature to band together against that which is different or against that which they think is smarter, taller, fortunate, etc.

CG - Respect is a huge issue for me and I've learned that as long as I am afraid to set boundaries for fear of losing a friend/cohort, I will not be respected because I won't set boundaries.