Saturday, June 12, 2010

Still Realing - It's All About Six Degrees of Separation

I haven't been able to write about this. I know I've been going on and on about this family meeting that my mother called.

One of the weirdest things to happen during that meeting was that Mom stood up for me, several times. I'm just not used to it. Seriously, she has NEVER done that in such an all consuming capacity. There have been a few times that she said something positive and threw it in my direction, but it served only to open the door for the others to ridicule and tease me about what ever she said.

Maybe one of the reasons I'm still freaked out is because when, in part of her starting speech she said "... Ivory has been thru hell and...", one of my sibs started to sneer and she stopped and angrily told him, "She has, and we haven't made it any easier for her!"

I know why all this started, I'm just not sure her attitude will last. If you were reading my blog back in November and December of '08 and '09, you might remember a Post entitled, "Six Degrees of Separation".  THAT's what all this is about, but since last month when I took my blog down for a month, I removed all posts that pointed toward that topic and I'm terrified to even post it here. Something has happened that is going to change my life as I know it. My mother wants to be involved, wants to be part of my life - now. It's all so happy, weird, fun, and scary all in the same thot.

16 comments:

castorgirl said...

That's really good news Ivory! I hope she can continue to be there in a supportive way for you. You never know, with her change in attitude, your siblings might follow suit??

Take care,
CG

Ivory said...

Yes, good news. I'm still awestruck. I'm having trouble thinking I'm dreaming! I hope they all follow suit. Thanks.

Between The Minds ~ The Beehive said...

It's wonderful to hear your mother sticking up for you. I hope your siblings follow her lead and start to stick up for you as well. Good luck with everything!

-Bee

kerroskorner said...

Definitely good new, though I can understand how confusing it might feel. Go with it, and try to enjoy it! I agree with CG, you never know... My fingers are crossed.

Ivory said...

Bee,
Thanks for the wonderful support! I've decided to go with it - cautiously. Didn't know it would feel so wonderful to have someone on my side. Or, at least not against me.


Kerro,
I'm hoping they will follow suit. Even mom has admitted I've been the "family target" for years. We'll see. I've crossed my fingers, too - and toes!

Just Be Real said...

I agree with the others Ivory, great news. Only the best. Blessings.

Ivory said...

Thanks, JBR! I was so wary at first that I didn't talk to my mother for nearly a week after that first phone call to her the day after the meeting! I was afraid it would ruin things, or prove that I'd been dreaming!

forlothlorien said...

I know those mixed feelings. My mother has changed considerably since she was diagnosed with cancer 5 months ago. It was a welcome change, but it is a bit uneasy as well. I hold back some for fear of her getting better, losing her new found insight into life, and reverting back to her old ways. I want the positive relationship, but I fear getting "comfortable" and then hurt again.
Lothlorien
http://lothlorien.typepad.com

purple cupcakes said...

is wondering if there is a reason behind this that is making my shackles rise up, is it possible that you are getting closer to the truth nad she is grooming you so you dont reach it. Dont know why im not at ease over this

Ivory said...

Forlothlorien,
Life changing events DO change people. I'm trying to get up the nerve to write about what it is for my mother. I, too have approached this with caution. I don't trust them all, yet, if ever again. I'm actually torn over it.

Ivory said...

Purple cupcakes
[have to say, I love your name!]

Yes, there is a reason my mother is trying to make amends. She has pretty much been brought to her knees - unintentionally. I have wanted to post about it, but I'm afraid of being found out. I have taken steps to avoid/change things so that I can post about it. My daughter told me it takes about a month after changes, for all old links to this blog to disappear. I just found another link last night. Darn. Fixed it.
The reason is a biggie. My mother now wants so badly to become part of my life. I'm not knowing how to feel, what to do. I'm not capable of letting her "in" or close, anymore - there has been too much damage done...

Michael Finley said...

People do change. How do you tell if it is real? Perhaps it is best to accept the now and know that it many not last. If it does not last it does not mean what experienced was not real.

Now if I can only live what I wrote. Heavy sigh.

Ivory said...

Michael,
You speak such wisdom. I see reality in what you write - I naturally fight any good feelings I get that have anything to do with my mother because I'm afraid it won't last. It hasn't lasted. This time is different in that she is highly motivated, but that is no reason to believe it can last - I will take your advice tho and enjoy it while it lasts. :)

Woundedgenius said...

Hi Ivory,

I hope this really is the start of something new for you - you really deserve it!
I guess its a balance between giving your mom the chance to redeem/prove herself and protecting yourself from further hurt!

Ivory said...

Woundedgenius,

yes, I want this to be a new start. Thanks for the support!

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