"So you think you have soooo much power and control
over other people that you have the right
to take responsibility for their actions?"
That was what my T asked me one day when I was deep in the hole of self blame. It was like he'd slapped me. I was mad at him for being so cruel. I hated him for making me feel "less", some how. I told him he wasn't being fair.
Somewhere in the months after that session, I got it. I understood why he said what he did and why he said it just then.
I wanted to spend some time with my family. It was my family I needed to help me thru the trauma of my divorce, the loss of my dad, and a major surgery, but it was my family who made me feel as if I had chosen the person who would eventually abuse me. They told me I was lying. They told me to keep my problems to myself. They told me if I didn't "shut up about it" I would be served with restraining orders and lawsuits that would stop my ugly delusion of sexual abuse. The ugly truth is that I could not, can not rely on any of my family members for any kind of support.
For quite some time, I wallowed in self blame, self harm, and self hatred for "causing" all of my families discomfort and distain. And then, my therapist happened. He asked me who gave me so much power. Who gave me the right to make their lives so care free and hang on the cross for them. What an eye opener. What a mind blast.