[taps toe in carpet, waiting]
[stares at ceiling patterns, waiting]
So, why are you in therapy?
Here's one thing I keep reading on blogs, in psych articles, in books clients write about therapy, etc, etc. There is a common thread that always rears its ugly head. People always end up saying, "[therapist] is making me talk about "this or that"; she keeps bringing up "this or that" and wanting to get me to talk about it; he says I'm avoiding "this or that".
What is "this or that"? For me, it was the "ceremony" of the damned that forever altered my life and created a part of me who believes she has no right to live and who waits for all, any, every, man to hurt her. She lives inside me and is more powerful and alert than the EverReady Bunny. I wasted at least 2 years of therapy playing the stupid game of "Okay, I'll make an appointment with you, come and sit here, and then you just see if you can drag it out of me why I'm cutting myself and why I hate you and all men." AND "Oh, and let me pay you thousands of dollars every year because I'm going to do this every week, sometimes twice a week, game."
Sound familiar? Why do you go to a therapist and then get mad because he/she is trying to help you? I did it because no one said all of this outright to me. Yeah, the therapist said it but that was like my dad telling me - I didn't hear it.
I'm out on a limb here and I'm going to suggest something to everyone of you who reads this: If you go to therapy and then fight your therapist, you are playing games AND you probably don't trust the person you have given your mental health to. Not fair to either of you. If you trust your therapist, then trust what he/she is attempting as treatment for you. Go with it, try it as if your life depends on it. Stop fighting the program, stop it right now.
Yes, we think we know how we should be treated, therapeutically, but do we? Really? No. If we did, we wouldn't be in therapy. When I decided to trust him, I began to heal. Not one minute of it was fun, but it created a healing journey. I'm still not there and now? OMG! He's wanting me to get on an airplane and allow myself to be hurled thru the sky without a net! Darn it.
I will do it. He will be here to help me thru the space of time between now and when my daughter takes my hand and walks with me onto the