Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Oh, Mother, My Mother

Michael: Houston has not yet found a solution!

Well, at least the weeds are dying!!  Yippie!

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The thing with my mother is still looming over me like a big bad bubble of gas. She was hyped up and excited on the phone when she told me that she was going to hold a family meeting.  Lord, put me in a coma till it's over.

When I asked her why the meeting, she said because she's sick and tired of all of us sneaking around bad-mouthing each other and not acting like a family should. WHOA!?  What?

I haven't talked to 4 of my siblings since just before my dad died, 5 years ago. I had to distance myself and find a way to heal on my own because they found fault and constantly ridiculed me because I'm different - and they don't even know about the DID.  So, I know it's not me she was referring to, exactly. I explained to her many times that I didn't want to push them all away, I just needed to take a step out of their lives because I need boundaries and they don't respect boundaries.

So, off Mom goes telling me that we are going to clean it all up and start acting like a family again. I tried to tell her that I'm proud of her that she is taking a positive step forward for a change but that she can't expect to heal in just one afternoon what's been brewing and bubbling for at least 20 years.

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I don't think I've been found out, yet. I will know if I eventually am. I dying to tell you all something but can't untill I'm  A B S O L U T L E Y  100 percent  SURE I haven't been found out. If I spoke up and then was found out, she would know for sure it's me, by what I would tell you. Dang, i'm rambling.

I claimed a Dr. appointment today at work and went to my therapist. That helped a lot. I'm more calm and centered than I was. You see, I can tell him all the stuff I'm dying to tell you all! Oh, life can be so complicated!

So, anyway, that's where things are for now.

6 comments:

Michael Finley said...

I am just throwing this out there.

To me it feels like may family can tell when ever I am doing better and wants to be part of that and when ever I am not doing well they disappear.

I am well the strongest in my family. I do not need to use my strength for them.

Exhale said...

Healing thoughts to all of you as you're working this out...

Between The Minds ~ The Beehive said...

I hope everything works out for you!

And now I am curious about what you want to tell us but have to wait to tell us...

-Bee

Ivory said...

Oh, Michael! You always seem to hit it right on. My mother once told me that "they" all tease me because they know the others can't take it. She has always told me I'm the strong one. It still hurts the same, tho. They are so ignorant.


Thanks Exhale! Thanks for being here.


Bee, it is what I want to share that would cause "her" to be able to find me. I am so torn.

Kerro said...

I'm glad the therapy appointment helped. I know how crazy making family can be - hang in there and take gentle care of yourself. ((hugs))

Michael Finley said...

Therapy = RoundUp for the past.