Sunday, May 16, 2010

Now What?

Last week, I sprayed the rock area of my yard with RoundUp Extended Care. It was supposed to kill the weeds already growing and keep others from growing if they sprouted. There aren't any new weeds but the the "old" ones look like I've fertilized them. Darn it. That RoundUp stuff is NOT CHEAP. Now what?

I am still worried I'll be "found out" via this blog. I've taken all the precautions I can, but I'm still worried. The person I'm worried about is very important to me. I had to give out the address formerly associated with this blog. It wasn't planned and was very spur of the moment; it was the only address I could give out. I hope I've done enough to avoid detection. But I still feel vulnerable. Now what?

I've not gotten along with my siblings for the last 5 years. It's important to me now that we all heal and learn from what happened. My mother recently called me and told me she's calling a family meeting and she's going to demand they all speak up and get it all out - and stop the bickering between them. I don't have issues with them, I just don't go around them because they are so toxic, my boundaries are ignored and my needs are made fun of. They don't support each other like they should because there is so much competition. I'm afraid it's all about to turn ugly. Now what?

Last week, I found out I have to have several small tumors removed from one of my breasts. Actually she will remove the affected duct.  :'(  The Dr. told me not to worry, they are rarely cancerous. I go in on the 27th. Outpatient, I'll be home within a couple of hours. I'm not worried about the surgery, just the stress. Now what?

Now what? I'm beginning to stress over all this. I keep waiting for work to end and I won't have to go back. Stupid on my part, it's not going to end - it's work. I need the money. I finally figured out that it's one of my little's expectations from school days when the school year ended and Poof! here's summer and time off. Geez.

I can feel the tension building. I have a feeling it's not going to be pretty when I crater this time.  Houston, we have a problem. Now what?



Missing In Sight said...

Sounds like when it rains it pours. I hear how overwhelmed you are. Any words I have might sound simplistic. Things are never as easy as they seem. So I'm just going to offer hugs and let you know I'm here and thinking about you and sending positive encouragement your way. {{{{{Ivory}}}}}

Kerro said...

Definitely pouring. I'm so sorry. I hope the surgery goes well. ((Ivory))

Paul from Mind Parts said...

Glad you are back posting. I think you've taken all the precautions. It's been good for you, I think, to have this space to share your experience. I would hate to see that taken away from you. I hope you are able to get back to writing and that it helps you.

castorgirl said...

Herbicides like Roundup are hormonal, so will often cause a flourish of growth if there wasn't enough weedkiller applied. You can try pouring boiling water on the thriving weeds... or sprinkling them with salt.

That's the only solid advice I can offer... You've got a lot going on! I hope the family can play nice and not cause you more hurt. I hope the lumps turn out to be benign inconveniences, rather than anything cancerous. I hope no one finds you on the blog that will cause you hurt or confusion.

Take care and try to take special care of yourself... pamper yourself if you can - you're worth it!


Exhale said...

Thinking of you as you are working through these things...take gentle care of each other

Michael Finley said...

Did Houston come up with a solution yet?