Tuesday, April 13, 2010


I wanted to put a really great quote here. All I could find was one from Justin Timberlake. It's not really original, but in a way, it is what I want to write about; so here it is,

"The best part about being with a group is that you don't have to do everything alone.
You're with your friends".

I was over at Paul's blog and he has shared a great exercise he did while in a group session. Groups are one thing that I wanted to be able to experience, but because of being so far away from a town/city big enough to have one, that won't be possible for me.

You see, early on, right after I'd learned that my Colors were alters, I was desperate to see someone else like me. It became an obsession for about a year. I would look into every stranger's face and wonder if he or she was DID. I needed to see someone who was like me. I needed to. I begged my T to find a group for me.

Of course he did, but the group was too far away and too expensive. I don't have insurance so I can't do that kind of out of pocket expense. For at least 2 years, I cried every time I thot about it. I even asked T once, "Where are they? They have to be out there somewhere. Where are they?" I cried until I began to hyperventilate and T suggested I do some NeuroTherapy. So darn embarrassing.

I would still like to experience that, but for now, I will give you this quote from Joan Rivers: (I rewrote it to fit my situation...)

"My posts come out of total unhappiness. My readers are my group therapy."

I guess where there's a will, there's a way.  ... Proverb


Between The Minds ~ The Beehive said...

I can totally relate to this. When I was first diagnosed, I wanted to meet someone like me. I read every book I could about DID and researched it so much. I became a psychology major when I first started college and did every research paper on DID. I was obsessed with it. And then one day at the end of my second year in college, I was doing an experience on False Memory and had volunteer students from the college to come and participate. One of the students who participated in my study had DID (I found this out through my roommate who was friends with her and the girl had shared this with my roommate who then shared it with me a few days later). I never got to meet this girl, but just knowing someone else in the school had DID made me feel like I wasn't alone. I still want to meet someone with DID, though. Thanks for sharing!

5 Kids With Disabilities said...

It is funny about your quote about groups...that is the way my son (with DID) feels about himself. He says he enjoys his parts because he is never lonely!!!
Lindsey Petersen

Michael Finley said...

I wanted to find people like me. I have given up. I now just find people that I can share with.

I was very excited when I knew I was DID and other people were also. I looked and looked for some commonality. In a real way I manufactured it out of a desire to find people like me. I even got angry when they were not like me and even madder when they assumed they were like me.

So I am working on what I can share rather than what I can not.

I am honored to be a reader of yours.

Ivory said...

When I started blogging, my T thot that automatically took care of the need to be with other people who have DID. It's as close as i can get to being with others like me, or knowing others like me. I am happy with that because now I know you all are out there. I thot I was alone.

Hi! Welcome to my blog. There is rarely a dull moment with alters. My biggest complain is when I miss time and they take an experience from me. We are all learning, tho, to trust and share. My heart goes out to your son and I have to say that if you are still in his life, and he in yours, then, you are a wonderful mother.

I am also honored that you share your life and that you read here. It can't be easy. MKULTRA is little known to many and it's methods are shocking, but you are a true testament of the strong will and dedication a person can give to healing.

Missing In Sight said...

I really appreciate how you have such a great attitude about your "group" therapy. Instead of seeing your situation in a negative light you are able to put a positive spin on it and use this very supportive Internet group as your therapy. You go girl!!

Ivory said...

Thanks, MIS! As you are probably aware, we have to find ways to keep the darkness from settling in. I love my readers and the blogs I follow - you all are my life line at times.

Kerro said...

Hi Ivory, I can so relate. Ever since my therapist helped me realise that what happened to me was "wrong", I've longed to meet people like me. I've met many such people in the blogosphere - you being one! - and finally, after 12 months of searching, I am due to start group work in a couple of weeks.

I also like how you see your "bloggies" as your "groupies" - it's awesome :)

Ivory said...

Oh, I am so envious of your group experience already! Please post about it on your blog - or even here. I want to know how it feels, what you think, how people act, and if it feels as good as I think it will to actually be in a room with people who really know how you feel and what you are going thru.

lifemultiplied said...

Glad to be in your group, even if it's not IRL, Ivory!

Ivory said...

Thank you so much!

See what I mean, you guys are wonderful.

Just Be Real/God Whispers In The Wind said...

Oh what a great post. I love your group story. I realized in my journey I am unique to only my issues. Some may have similar, but mine are mine. Blessings.

Paul from Mind Parts said...

I think there are many like us. Of course we are all unique. But we find others "like" us every day. I think healing comes from that sharing with others.

As far as a group, I was thinking of doing an expressive therapy group online. Would you be interested? If so, drop me a note.

I think you might really like it, especially since you have looked for something like this in the past.

(Thanks for linking me with Justin Timberlake... never thought that would happen!!)

Ivory said...

JBR - yes we are all very unique in a connected sort of way!

I would be very interested in an online group thing. Thanks for asking!

Kate said...

Hi Ivory,

I really like the quote by Justin Timberlake. It does mean a lot to be in a group, to be accepted, to be part of something big and healing and accepting and growing.

I can relate to this, I can't afford a group that is run by a therapist. It is one of the reasons I went online, to find my group. I think I have.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Ivory said...

Yeah, I think we found a good group.