RE: Training My Therapist
Okay, I feel like a putz. I just misunderstood what my T meant. Here's why he said that it's harder/worse for a male to be abused/raped:
When we were talking, I (of course) was comparing things to how I felt when it happened to me. I was using the "act" as a focal point to define everything else, so naturally, that is a horrible thing. My therapist was thinking of the "big picture." Because of the work he does with people, he was thinking of his experience with male and female clients who come to him AFTER the "act".
He explained that possibly because of the inequity of the genders, female rape victims learn to go on with their lives and function fairly well. Men have a much harder time learning to cope. T said that MIGHT be because of just what I said in my last post: males believe they are the fuckers, not the fuckees and when they are raped it carries the possibility of being called gay or weak. Females don't see it that way and are taught from birth we are "second" to the male, so, tho it's a misnomer, females believe it is their duty to be abused and go on living.
My therapist told me that men often cannot live with the fact that they were used as a female (gender role training) and they will often decide to kill themselves. He said that when a male decides on suicide, he will usually carry it out and be successful, women often want to die but he said he can get them to agree to "put it off" while they work on it together to get past whatever it is causing the problem.
So, long story, but what T was thinking was that it's much more difficult for a male to cope after the abuse/rape because of the unfair gender ideology he's got already going in his life.
T said that females, because of the way they are raised, seem to find a way to move thru all the pain and fear and go on with their lives. He mentioned the Holocaust and said those people are examples of how both sexes experienced the worst of the worst and many of them survived and went on to lead productive and happy lives. So the short of the long story is that it's the COPING that is much more difficult for males than females.
He apologized for the misunderstanding and I could tell he felt bad about it. He told me he would never try to say that rape is emotionally worse for a male than for a female because each person perceives and reacts differently. ~~ So, I feel like a putz.