Last week, I'm not sure which day, I called my T. I just couldn't go one more day being harrassed at work and not knowing if I was going to get fired over it. My nerves were shot, I cried all day (off and on) and I just couldn't keep going.
My T was busy. We didn't talk long, but then I had called him earlier in the week - I think twice. Our conversations weren't long. He was not feeling well.
But on Tuesday, I called and asked that he call me back. When he did, I heard a small voice say, "I've changed my mind, I don't want to talk." He said "alright", and hung up.
I hadn't slept well for about 3 nights straight and I actually thot I was dreaming. Then about 2 hours later, I woke up and knew T had called and I put him off. I felt devastated. I called my daughter and fell totally, and completely apart. I was hyperventilating so badly, we had to end the call.
She called my T and later, he called me. We talked only for a few minutes but I felt better. Then Wednesday happened. I called T again Wednesday just before work ended. I was crying and couldn't stop and nearly everybody who knew me, saw me. No one said a word. By then, the disaster of the morning has spread like a virus.
I had to hang up because I got a call, but a few hours later, T called and had me come in to his office. It was late and dark out side which always sets off the Littles. Once in his session room, tho, things began to calm down. T asked if I wanted to close my eyes and go to my special place where I go when the 'others' are out. I wanted to, badly, it always calms me and gives me strength and grounding. So, I closed my eyes.
I was on my swing, looking for that bright spot, where I go. Then, the air was filled with shards of glass. They swung slowly towards me. I was terrified but couldn't open my eyes! I remember T saying that Smoke must have need to discuss something and if she wanted to, she could come and talk to him...
And then I woke up. Two hours later.
Today, I had a regular session. Work still sucks. My job review is Wednesday (set specially because I yelled at the lead worker), but I feel as if I can weather it. I'm also keeping a work diary... ... just in case.