Yesterday, I called my mother and invited her to supper. She seemed excited to go along, so I picked her up after leaving work. We went to a wonderful little restaurant that has been there since I was a child. It has a comfortable, warm atmosphere.
I enjoyed my time with her, which is unusual. She usually finds a way to insult me, belittle me, or just ignore me.
What I'm trying to get at, tho, is that when I walked into her apartment (non-threatening), she asked a simple question to which I began to answer and all of a sudden, I got a mental image of... something... and I tried to focus on it but couldn't and the adrenalin rush I experienced was so strong I knew I was about to pass out. I walked to the bathroom, closed the door and nearly blacked out. I closed the lid on the toilet and just sat there trying not to pass out or throw up. It was awful. By then, I'd lost the image of a light colored desk with a thin, tall, young blond man sitting at it. I have no idea what that image means to me.
This morning, I awoke and was reveling in the small fact that I had slept all night and all the way to 7:30 am. Not a usual thing for me to experience. I was literally laying there, smiling, dozing, and loving my bed when out of the blue - light colored desk; tall thin blond woman. Her back is to me and she has her elbow on the desk and her head in her hand. her hair is short and thick [or is it 'his' hair is short and thick?]. As soon as the image reached my consciousness, the adrenalin pumped thru me like a freight train on a Christmas run. I nearly passed out. Good thing I was already laying in bed.
I'm still in bed, actually. I have a raging headache. I'm praying I don't 'remember' anything I don't want to know. I don't know what's happening to me. I don't want to cry. I don't know what the image is or why it feels so powerfully familiar - and terrorizing. It's apparently innocuous, yet my heart knows to produce adrenalin in gut splashing amounts. This is not going to be a good weekend.