Saturday, January 30, 2010

Bologna Sandwich

You know, finding out just who I am is truly an adventure. People say that all the time, "I need to find myself."  Although I haven't set out to do that, it's what I've been discovering recently. I realized it this afternoon as I ate a Bologna and cheese sandwich - well half of one; the other half was just cheese.

When I was little, my mother filled my plate using her adult hunger as a guide to how much she put on my plate - that I've told you about already. She is also anal, or OCP (obsessive compulsive personality). She would NEVER have made a sandwich using half a piece of bologna and a whole piece of cheese. (I only had a half of a piece left). It sounds crazy, I know, but as I put the bread, meat, and cheese together I couldn't help but think about what my mother would have said, or done, about this sandwich.  [smiles]

I've been comparing lately how I feel now compared to how I felt just a few years ago. I think I've come a long way from then. Today, I'm peaceful, happy, productive and not switching. It makes me feel so good. It also makes me feel great to know I can make (and eat) a sandwich with half a piece of bologna and a whole piece of cheese!  [I have to sing the Bologna song to spell it!] Tee hee.  :D

I've been putting away the last of the boxes in my bedroom and office and listening to a great radio station from iTunes: Best of Oldies - SKY.FM.  Makes me want to go to a sock hop...

Have a great, fun, and peaceful weekend, y'all.



Grace said...

Ivory, the thought of your singing the bologna song is making me smile :-)
I think you are amazing! And I've no doubt how far you have traveled on your healing journey.
Thank you, for your comments...esp. your most recent one. I do tend to come back to reality and my 'life' as I have built it - and it's in those moments I want to go to a sock hop too! Because I feel healthy enough to do so!

Michael Finley said...

That is how it starts. First it is a improper sandwich next thing you know you are drinking out of the milk jug.

Pretty soon you don't care what other people think you should do and do what you think is best.

I entered this downward spiral when I only snowblowed half the driveway and then did the rest the next day.

Next think I knew I was taking art classes for not reason other than I wanted to.

It is a dangerous path you are taking.

Ivory said...

Grace, Thank you bunches for the hugs. What I write on your comments are truly heart felt, always remember that, I'm honored that you value them.

:) :D Michael - you are so cute. Yes, I'm on a dangerous path, doing what I want, when I want, the way I want. Who woulda thot? Thank's for your support.

katie said...

hi ivory~ what a great post! :) how sweet and meaningful. it is really something when we can find moments of healing in all things.

wishing you well~

VICKI IN AZ said...

I just want to hug you in person, right now!! You made me hungry for a "balony" sandwich. Have a great week yourself my bloggy friend and immagine that hug for me will ya;)

Ivory said...

Katie - Thank you! Finding healing is sometimes ambiguous but today, I can see it.

Vicki - Imagining the hug... I'm glad you think of me as your friend. You are a good bloggy friend, too! Have a great week!

Kerro said...

What a great post - well done! You are amazing. Keep going. I know you can!

I like Michael's dangerous path - too true. :)

phoenixascending said...

way to go Ivory!
every little pleasure, every small step is a victory and another layer of healing. She can't ruin your sandwiches or your life anymore!