Monday, November 23, 2009

Overwhelmed and UnderCouraged

I am finally all moved (except for the refrigerator stuff, sweeping the garage and shampooing the carpets. I have a long day ahead, tomorrow. I can't seem to get motivated to begin putting things away, there are soooo many boxes. I can't find anything and I feel as if I've lost everything!

I cratered so badly Saturday night after everyone had left and it was time to go to bed. I couldn't find my bedding, I couldn't find the blankets, I was too hungry to eat and my world had tilted.

My daughter and son-in-law had gone down stairs to sleep and I was finally alone in my bed (after my daughter found my sheets) when the tears began. I was so overwhelmed. And then I heard a small whispered voice say, "Mama, are you okay?" My daughter was peaking thru the doorway. She came and climbed into bed with me and I cried my heart out. We talked until I was calm enough to be hungry and then she ate a bowl of cereal with me so I would be able to sleep.

Sunday morning, I awoke about 7:30 and shortly after that, Kaylie's husband came upstairs and kneeled on the floor by her side of the bed. He also craves hugs and cuddles and told her that he'd missed her when he woke up. I told her to scoot closer to me and when she did, her husband got up and laid on the bed with us. We were a family and the intimacy of shared morning yawns was wonderful.

I am always amazed that while I can feel so blessed, I also feel so overwhelmed and have so little courage to face my future. I am trying to exercise a bit of faith and believe my daughter and my T that things will smooth out as soon as all of me accepts the new house and we all feel safe again.

10 comments:

Michael Finley said...

Seems to me that the morning yawns in of itself makes the move a success.

Coarse I do not have to unpack.

Paul from Mind Parts said...

It only feels as though you lack courage. But you are full of it!

sarah said...

found you from carnival blog...we moved in June and even though I feel so blessed too, the move, the change made me feel like you felt in this post. It gets better. Take gentle care. Sarah

Ivory said...

Michael,

I loved that 30 minutes that we enjoyed together - it was wonderful beyond anything I could have been feeling at that moment! And, yes, I guess I should try to see things more positively as in, the move was indeed a success.

Ivory said...

Sarah,

I'm glad you came by!

I am hoping I soon think of this as home because this is a huge step for me. I try not to be overwhelmed by all the work yet to do here. I am still cleaning at the old apartment...

Ivory said...

Paul,

I actually feel like such a wimp, what with falling apart after the move. I hated to do that to my daughter, but I just couldn't hold it together anymore. I am trying to agree that I have a fair amount of courage, but my T says I have too much fear to see it. Thanks so much for the encouragement.

Exhale said...

Congrats on such a huge step in your journey...I am so happy that your daughter and her husband could be with you.

Ivory said...

Thanks, Exhale! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Just Be Real said...

Ivory dear, I can relate. And it is true. Many times I feel defeated, but in reality I am strong. You too. You have the courage! You just keep taking those steps of it and I too will walk besides you! Blessings....

Ivory said...

Thanks, JBR. I am feeling pretty defeated right now.