Friday, November 13, 2009

It Shoulda Been a Happy Day

I signed the papers on my house today. At first, I didn't know what to do with it. It's not yet home, it's not yet familiar. I didn't want to be there. I kept telling myself I have the right to be happy today; I should be celebrating. There wasn't really anyone to celebrate with, as I have not yet told any of my family I'm moving, in fact I've no reason to tell them. I managed to get some happy going, tho, and by 4 pm, I was feeling somewhat better than I had been.

And then, my mother called.

I haven't talked to her for weeks, no need to. She started out okay and then went off about my daughter getting married and no one told her. Thirty minutes later, I found out that at a fish fry, she sat with my ex and his trophy ho. So, um, gee, I wonder who told her. My mother blamed me for my brother having shingles and because my sister had a stroke. She blamed me because she's dying (nothing pressing, just old age), she blamed me because my other sister is upset because my daughter told her to get off of my front step, she blamed me because they don't know how to "deal with this" (meaning me being sexually assaulted at age 10), she blamed me because I told them the wrong way (she was the one who told them), and she blamed me because my T, Mr.S, said something that hurt her feelings. She was yelling all these things at me and as I shrank away within myself, she suddenly yelled, "And what would your father think of you?"

Dad has been dead for 3 years. He was the only one who loved me.

This shoulda been a happy day.



castorgirl said...

I'm so sorry that you couldn't have your celebrations and a good day Ivory... You deserve(d) that and so much more.

It's easy to get sucked into the poison surrounding others needs and wants, but try to stay strong to you.

Take care,

fromthesamesky said...

Oh Ivory - I'm so sorry you had to go through that, what an awful conversation! I'm so mad at her!

I'm sure that your Dad would still love you and think the world of you - that counts more than your mothers lies.

Love to you

Ivory said...

Thanks. "...getting sucked into the poison" is right and a good way to put exactly how I feel. My mother usually just hints at it, this time she outright said it.

I think he would have loved me had my mother not poisoned him against me before he died. He was in a nursing home so he couldn't get away from her tyranny - she was there every day, all afternoon long. When my ex moved out, she told me that Dad made the comment, "Well, she finally ran him off." I don't know if he really said it, she tells so many lies, but it hurts just to think he might have said it.

Saving Grace said...

Sweet Sweet Ivory...
I'm so sorry - that was not fair! It WAS supposed to be a good day for you! As I'm sure you know, you are not resopnsible for any of the things that happened to any of the things she is trying to "blame" you for. This reinforces why I have not spoken to my mother in over 2 years (easy for me to aviod her tho - since she lives in IN and I live in CO.
I'm sorry about your day...and about the invalidating comments your mother made to you.
But I know you will make the house "yours"!
Safe hugs, if okay....~ Grace.
Oh, my PDOC suggested I read a book called, "Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward. It's a good book...and I think you can get it used on amazon for under 5 bucks.
Take care....

Ivory said...


Thank you so much! I've just gotten home from getting my new kitchen ready to move in to. I'm beat, both emotionally and physically. I haven't talked to 3 of my 4 siblings for 4 years. My mother only occasionally. She is a pot-stirrer - likes to keep us kids all worked up because she gets attention that way. Thanks for the advice on the book, I think I could use anything about toxic anybody at this point!

hopefortrauma said...


You diserve happiness and I'm sorry your mother took it away.It is so amazing that your daughter stood up for you. I'm so glad that shes on your side :)

Take Care,Be Well.


Kerro said...

Ivory, I'm so sorry. This should have been a happy day for you. It really is easy to get sucked into the poison of others. Sorry, but your mother sounds toxic. I wish I had some good advice, but fear that would be the pot calling the kettle black!!

Glad to know your kitchen is ready for you. Moving house is exhausting - emotionally and physically, so try to take some time out for you.


Just Be Real said...

((((Ivory)))) I am so very sorry your day was not what you expected. You dear one, should not have to have gone through that! I am truly sorry.....

Ivory said...

My daughter is amazing. I would have no reason for living if she had turned her back on me, but she didn't. She is literally the storybook version of the perfect daughter, she has been from the start.

Thank you for caring, mothers should not be poison to their own children!! I have wondered what demons she is fighting of her own...


I appreciate your support so much! I would normally say, "I appreciate you so much, you have no idea..." But all of you have the perfect idea of what I mean. You are all so wonderful!

Paul from Mind Parts said...

I hope that soon you will be able to feel at home in your new house!

Ivory said...

Thanks, Paul! I actually have Plan B, just in case I can't even spend the night - I will wait till my daughter comes on Friday night and she and her hubby will spend the first 2 nights with me!

beautifuldreamer said...

Ouch, what a horrible ending to what should have been a wonderful day of celebration for you!

I'm glad to hear about your new house; I hope that soon you will begin to feel at home there.

Just Be Real said...

Just came by to give a hug...((((Ivory))))

Ivory said...

Thanks so much for your support and encouragement! It means a lot to me.

You, too, JBR! It feels so wonderful to get hugs!

phoenixascending said...

So sorry about this, it just reinforces why I have a no contact policy with the mother..

Please continue to feel good about your purchase and this big, independent step you've made.

*virtual kicks in the arse for your mum courtesy of me*

Ivory said...


Thanks for the laugh at the virtual "kick", I needed it!

VICKI IN AZ said...

sweet ivory,
i don't miss these conversations. I am so sorry, you deserve to stand up for yourself. xoxo

Ivory said...


Thanks. Standing up for myself is one of those things that I find myself doing and getting emotionally and verbally beat up for it. I just don't get it.