Saturday, October 10, 2009

Why I Need All the Space

OMG what have I done? I bought a house.

Just when I think I have effectively left social construct behind, I freak out to think I'm about to sign papers on my very own house! Why, you ask?

Well, because only a few people I know are actually happy that I'm able to do that. My family, who lives in the same town, will not be told. I have been mulling over why I'm particularly cool with not telling them and it's because I know what they will think. This is yet one more thing for them to criticize me over. They will not be happy about it.

Oh, my mother might try to act happy, but she will come across with quips such as, "Why did you do this, you know you can't do this by your self?"  and "What were you thinking?"  and  (here's the one that will elicit a WTF response) "It's just you, why do you need all the space?"

Warning: Rant following:

Just looking for a house of my own has produced that question several times - all from "married" people. A co worker remarked recently, "What? There's just the one of you!" (she doesn't know about the rest of me, so to some extent, I took this as a compliment). People ask this as if I have no right to live comfortably. In fact, when my divorce was about to become final, my sister told me about some apartments that were currently renting. I replied that I wouldn't live there because they were in a bad part of town and very run down. Her response was, "Well, you'd better get used to it."  That was her way of letting me know that she (her husband) was now the big money earner. I have enough money (so far) that I don't have to get used to it, she was just jealous.

Anyway, back to the "one" of me.  I think the next time someone says that to me I'm going to ask that if their spouse suddenly died or left them, would they sell their nice house and move into something half the size. If they would just stop and see the logic: I still have a queen-size bed, my dining room table is still the same size, my couch is the same one (it didn't shrink to half), I still have a sewing machine, a computer desk, a regular sized ironing board, etc, etc.

In all actuality, the only thing that has changed about my life is, well, nothing. My ex wasn't home much when we were married (it takes time to ho around), so I lived with all the stuff I have now, alone like I am now. I worked. I didn't spend money. I didn't party. Why would everyone think I have to live like a pauper in half the space just because I'm not married? I bet, if a man who lived alone were to buy a house no one would even THINK he was stepping out of line, yet I'm being ragged on because of it.

Society can take their pissy attitude and shove it. I'm buying a house.


Michael Finley said...

Ah negativity of others about what ever I am doing. I can relate.

For me it is the opposite with my safe life space. I am creating a "studio apartment" in my house. Right now that is best for me.

It is not that I have to, it is not I can't handle my whole house. It is what is best for me.

I will have to put up with all the reasons that have nothing to do with my reality. "Oh you will save money, single people do that, you can always open up the rest of your house if you find someone.

I will admit I had some of my own negativity. At first I called it moving in to my kitchen.

I am looking forward to the new safe life space.

Ivory said...


I am the opposite - I need lots of space to hide in and I feel trapped in small places. The house I'm getting is a bi-level and only 1600 square feet. It's not big enough but it's all I can afford - plus, I see the logic (and stupidity) of getting a house too big.

re: "you'll open up your house when you find someone." Oh, please, tell me you gave in and explained up from down to this stupid person. I find that highly offensive.

fromthesamesky said...

Whooohooo! Well done you! :)

Ivory said...

Thanks, SameSky!

Just Be Real said...

Way-to-go dear one! Blessings!

Kate said...

Hi Ivory,

I don't know why people assume that single people have to justify their space usage. Or is it just single women? How ridiculous.

I join with you in saying society can take their pissy attitude and shove it.

Good and healing thoughts to you.


Kerro said...

Yay! Congratulations! This is wonderful news! I think it shows real strength to say "stuff them" and do what is right for you. Well done!

Ivory said...

JBR, Kate, and Kerro:

THANKS LADIES! I knew it would feel good to tell you!

Ethereal Highway said...

Good for you!!! You deserve a good home.

Most of my family is the same and would find fault with anything good that I get. They just don't want me to have anything.

castorgirl said...

Yay!!! You brought your very own safe space! You can move in and make it how you want with no hassles or problems!

Ignore the naysayers, don't let their issues become yours.

Take care,

Ivory said...

Ethereal Highway,
Why is that? Why is it always our families who can't be happy for us? I just don't get it, but I'm glad your my "ethereal" friend!

Ivory said...


Thanks for being happy for me. I am going to make it all about me, just the way I like it!

Hillary_C said...

Good Job! It's your money, and you are making a great investment. You will have a much more secure future because of this great choice.
Here are some answers you can use:
"Let me tell you 100 great things about making a real estate investment...."
"Would you have said that to me if I was a man?"
"You know me, I'm so domestic, just need to make a nest (roll eyes)"
"I have to do this, In Accordance With The Prophecy"
"It's my contribution to the rebuilding of America as a world economic power"
and so on ;-)

Ivory said...


I love you! I'm going to use the one about the Prophecy. My family hates that I don't go to the church I was raised in! It will make 'em crazy!!

Vague said...

yays for you! :)

Ivory said...

Thank you, Vague, for the positive encouragement. I need all I can get, this is scary for me!

LostShadowChild said...

Congrats! It's great that you have bought the house :) I relate to "the need of space for all" soooo much :) Same here *wave*
I hope your family doesn't expect any invitation after the bad comments they have made to you

Ivory said...

Thank you LostShadowChild!

No, my family is not getting an invite, they aren't even getting a "change of address." If they find out, no harm, but I'm not calling them. ;)

mmaaggnnaa said...

Hey, Ivory -

Congrats on the new house! Way to go! I trust it will be a safe haven for you!

Also, I just read your "dark humor" in the sidebar . . and laughted myself silly! I love it!

- Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)

Ivory said...


Hi! Thanks for the encouragement about the house. I'm only now starting to get a few creepies about it. I'm somewhere between excited and throwing up scared...

VICKI IN AZ said...

Wow and Wow. You are one amazing woman. I want to be there the day you finally realize how amazing you are, every last one of you!!

Congratulations from the bottom of my heart.


Ivory said...


Thank you so much! I wish you could be here, too - from the bottom of my heart. You give so much encouragement, I appreciate you a great deal.

Paul from Mind Parts said...

Sorry I am just reading your post now. Congratulations! I wish you all the best. I also like lots of spaces to choose from. Hope you create some nice safe spaces in your new home!

Ivory said...

Hey, Paul! Thanks for encouragement! I've been getting lots of it here and I'm so happy about that. As the closing gets nearer, tho, I'm beginning to panic. Don't know why. I should hear about the appraisal tomorrow or next Monday! I'm so excited!