Monday, September 28, 2009

Twirly-Gig Life

I have a twirly-gig life. Not in that I'm so busy I dont' have self time, but in that I'm never sure what's going on. I've been trying to find a house to buy that is in my single income range, yet still big enough so I don't have to rent storage, too. Anyone with DID, knows what moving from one house to another can do, even if you stay in the same town.

I looked at some houses the last couple of evenings and this morning, I awoke with the feeling I'd put one on contract, so I jumped out of bed and went in search of a contract. Found none. Great. I was happy. But then, out of the blue I thought of Mr.S. OMG!

He is going to be out of town this weekend. OMG! I've known for weeks. We've discussed it and I was okay with it - in fact, I didn't really care. I thought about it yesterday - didn't really care. I felt grounded and centered and like all was good in my Twirly-gig life. It's not, though.

I don't know why I'm worried about it, now. He's been gone before and it didn't bother me - I never even thought about the fact that he was gone and those times I did think of him, I wasn't bothered by his absence. I've been debating all morning if I should call him. I don't know if that would make it worse. Maybe I could just email him - well, no, he would feel the need to email back. Maybe I could just continue to freak out over it all weekend and all next week because he had to cancel my usual appointment, so I won't go in again for 2 weeks. Darn. (twirly, twirly)

Here we go.


Saving Grace said...

I would like to offer you a big (((SAFE HUG))) tonight, Ivory. I've nothing else to give right now, tonight. I just wanted you to know that I'm here, and reading...for what it's worth.
~ Grace

Ivory said...

Oh, Grace, thank you so much! I just came here after being reminded by someone that my T is leaving in the morning and won't be back till next TUESDAY! I didn't call him. I wish I had.

Saving Grace said...

Ivory, That EXACT same thing happened to me when my DT left for her last vacation! I'll be here - reading and offering what support I can. I know how hard it is....
~ Grace

VICKI IN AZ said...

Dearest Ivory,
I am here too.
I have been wondering how your trust was rebuilding with Mr. S?
I see growth here my dear. Do you? I truly hope you can give yourself the credit you deserve and see it.

I love you Ivory. You have been so good to me. Thank you for being mad at my mom. That meant a lot to me... Like a real sister, the way I like to think of myself.
Take some time to be good to yourself, and keep writing.


Ivory said...

Grace and Vicki,
thank you guys! It's always the bad weekends for me that my T is gone. I'm glad you will be here. Thanks a million.

Kate said...

Hi Ivory,

Dear, I am here. I am still dealing with the process of moving and settling in, but I am getting back into the groove of reading and catching up with all my healing blog friends. You are not alone. Good and healing thoughts to you.


Ivory said...


I was getting worried. I'm glad you stopped by. Hope you'll be back in the groove soon, unpacking and getting to know new places is the pits for me, maybe that's why I was beginning to worry!