You all won't believe this - well, maybe you will understand it completely. As with everything bad in my life, I didn't think it would happen to me.
As I'm happily blogging about how great my therapist is and even thru the last 2 blogs about a bit of insecurity about becoming dependent upon him, I had no clue of what was just around the corner. It is proof that I am too dependent, I am too trusting, and I'm too -- something else (I just don't know what else).
I had a session last Monday. I chattered about all the things going on in my life, good and bad. We discussed several issues. I kept wondering what time it was, but didn't want to look at my watch, it makes me feel rude. Then, Mr.S let the shoe fall.
I was right, he doesn't have time for me anymore, not on my regular day and because I can't come during the day, he let me know my schedule will be a problem. He has changed my regular session time before and it never had this effect. I was stunned. I began to feel like I'd spent too much time at the party. What hurt most, tho, was that I've asked him several times over the past year to let me know when I've been there for 2 hours. He has never told me except when he has somewhere to be or something else to do. He will end the session after 3 hours, usually. When I was trying my best not to fall apart, he made the comment, "Well, really, do we have to have those 3-4 hour sessions?" He didn't say it hateful, but he said it. I feel like a fool.
Maybe his life has become too busy to do special things for me. I wish I'd never confided in him or become so dependent on him. I feel pushed aside because everything else is more important. There isn't anyone else I can go to (small town). I don't think I can do this again. I hate it when I post and every sentence begins with "I".
So as not to give a totally wrong picture, when I had totally fallen apart making a fool of myself by crying, Mr.S told me that he wanted me to give him time to work this out because he didn't want me to think black and white. He told me he didn't want an email from me telling him I wouldn't be coming to my next session (which I usually do, making him call, convincing me to come in anyway).
Am I over reacting? How do I take this in stride? I'm so angry and hurt and confused!