Tuesday, August 25, 2009

When Is Therapy No Longer Needed

When have I had enough therapy? This is a question that has haunted me for awhile. There are times I go to therapy knowing I don't really need to be there. It is grounding for me, I find a measure of time and space that keeps me centered and rooted in reality. But is that a good enough reason to keep going? Is it a good enough reason to spend so much money? I don't know.

Last evening after work was my regular session. It took me nearly 2 hours to tell T that I was flooded with feelings of wanting to cut. What I didn't say was that it wasn't going to be just shallow cuts, but deep flesh scaring ones. Something was going on with Smoke and all I could tell him was that I've had a nightmare that didn't feel like a regular nightmare - and I couldn't remember it. I only remember that I was terrified when I woke up and I couldn't even stay awake, something drug me back into it and I can't remember it.

He talked her out. He hasn't had to do that for a very long time. I actually didn't think he could do it any more, but he did. They talked. Now, instead of cutting, I want to draw pictures of colorful, crashing, waves. But could that have been the only session I needed instead of weekly ones?


All this has come up because his life is changing and he may not be able to be here for me at the regular times. He said we would work around it. I already feel like a burden - he makes allowances for me as it is. Actually, I'm like a house pet. If he goes on vacation, he helps me with Plan B, if he gets sick, he calls and we talk things out on the phone, if he is going to be out of town, he makes arrangements with me for my session and gives me permission to call him where ever he is. I just been wondering lately if I've had enough therapy, or at least don't need weekly visits anymore. How do I know?

11 comments:

castorgirl said...

Hi Ivory,

I admire your courage for looking at the question. I don't have an answer for you as I think that is something that you and Mr S need to talk about. But I wonder if you're worried about being a burden to the extent that you're thinking it would be easier for Mr S if you didn't see him anymore. That's not about being ready to end therapy, that's being worried that you are an inconvenience for someone else. That is, you've taken the focus off your own needs. I apologise if I'm reading too much into the situation.

I'm glad Smoke found a way to ease or re-direct her distress...

Take care,
CG

Just Be Real said...

Ivory, I think it all depends on the individual. With your gradually decreasing your t. visits can be a good determination if you can survive in between the next one. That is how I gauge. But, again we are all different.

Thanks for sharing . . . it is a toughie to pin down when to end. I am sure your t. can help in this area to .

((((Ivory))))

Ivory said...

Castorgirl,
No, you're completely right about what I'm beginning to worry about. I know Mr.S will go to bat for me and try to be here for me, even when it's not convenient. When he's tired, but he senses I need him, he will call a "break" and we (or just he) will get munchies, and walk the hallway to help make him more alert. Most people wouldn't do that. So, yes. I am afraid he will make allowances when I have no right to ask, or expect him to. I also know I probably cannot go to anyone else. I've suddenly began feeling very trapped and I don't know what to do.

Ivory said...

JBR,

You make another point. I haven't begun to decrease my visits. I have wanted to, I've tried to, but there is always issues with the littles about doing that. We are very dependent upon him. I know that sounds unhealthy, but I'm not exaggerating when I say there is no one else I can talk to. No one to lean on, no one to ask favors of (like hooking up a washer), no one to discuss work with - no one. No family, no friends, no other professionals (too small a town).

jumpinginpuddles said...

i dont know maybe you should stop going once a week and see how it goes by going fortnightly?

Ivory said...

JIP,
Is that how often you go for therapy? I don't know what's normal. Tho Mr.S and I haven't talked lately about that, he did tell me again that most of his clients come, talk, work thru issues, and go away. He said my situation is different - and it is.

The only time I've not gone every week was when he has been out of town. For the most part, it was hard, but not impossible. BUT, the last time, I had the run in with my brother and it hit the fan. It made me afraid. I'm not sure how to make myself get used to not going every week.

Just Be Real said...

By what you shared dear, you still need to see your t. It is okay.

((((Ivory and the littles))))

Kate said...

Hi Ivory,

I think it is normal for multiples to go once or twice a week, depending on where they are at in the healing process. I know that money and insurance issues are often reasons for doing less therapy.

When I go to therapy it is once a week. It is really necessary for me to have that to rely on and there is a dependency that is normal and appropriate for a client with a therapist.

I understand what you are saying about your therapist working around you, but this is normal for a client who is multiple. I hope that he can continue to do so and for you all to feel safe and secure in the healing journey you are walking with him.

Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

Ivory said...

Kate,
You mentioned the "D" word: dependency, and since you have, I think I'll make that my next post. Thank you for bringing it up because I'm awfully afraid of it.

Ivory

Paul from Mind Parts said...

It sounds like you are still very symptomatic. Personally, I would judge whether to stop or not based on level of symptoms.

Ivory said...

Paul,
My most troublesome symptom is frustration with trying to be "normal" - w/o alters. It's not denial, tho I can pretend pretty well that they are not with me at all - it just doesn't last.

Actually, I do well as long as nothing, or no one, upsets me or makes me feel threatened. That's when Colors start popping out all over. I've not found a DID yet who could tell me it will stop. That's the most depressing thing.