There were two young missionaries in my home last night. They come often, I enjoy their company. I mostly marvel at their youthful exuberance and dedication. I envy their innocence, but they are also very naive. They asked me that question: What do you pray for?
My reply was that I want to get thru the day. Just get thru the day. That was it. They were floored.
The missionaries cannot get their minds around that because they are trained to see the BIG picture. I smile and think to myself, "Ignorance is bliss." They also don't get it that I won't talk about my childhood or what it is that keeps me from either joining the church or keeps me from admitting God is the bestest God is the whole wide world. I told them I have issues.
In their youthful ignorance, they believe they can heal those issues or at the very least lead me to a place that will heal them. I've noticed, too, that not just their religion, but every organization I've been a member of, is based on a great deal of psychological influence. Such as:
"Do you love your daughter? God loves you like you love your daughter. Do you believe that?"
Oh, please, don't use my daughter against me or my thoughts - it's grounds for getting thrown out of my house.
"If you were bitten by a snake and the only way to heal it was a serum in the form of an injection, would you take it? Then, why won't you reach for God and allow him to heal you that way?"
Okay, here we go - analogies.
"Do you believe there is a God? Do you pray? He just wants you to give him the chance to heal you."
Crap, now they're pissing me off. If God loves me, then why did he just stand there and do nothing? And don't anyone tell me it's because of free will. If we have it, he has it, don't blow smoke up my .... Don't tell me one minute that we all have agency and then tell me God plants stumbling blocks - that's not agency, that's a set up.
I've had a hard time believing in anything but the hear and now. Only what I can see, when I can see it. Nothing is forever. I was born and raised in a strict Lutheran community - they can take that and shove it, too.
Okay, I'm not feeling well - easy to tell, I'm blasting at my favorite punching bag. On a good day - I love to have the missionaries come. They have literally been life savers over the past 5 years, but wow, I just don't want to deal with it right now.