Today, my extended family will all be attending a family reunion. I wasn't invited. Normally, it wouldn't bother me, but this reunion I've been trying to catch for 4 years. There's one every year. Conveniently, I never find out about it until it's too late for me to go and then my mother and siblings act as if they're surprised and concerned over why I'm not there.
Yesterday my mother called me at work to tell me that, tomorrow, there was another reunion on her side of the family. She was all about her and she let it slip about the one today. My own mother. And she pretends to care about me, all the while she is telling people things about me that aren't true and making excuses for not inviting me - her loudest one will be, "Well, she doesn't come anyway." She says that because I stay away from her and my siblings. I want to see all my cousins, aunts/uncles, and nieces and nephews, but she is vicious and spiteful. If I won't bend to her wishes, she lies and plots against me to make everyone believe they are included in my "delusional behavior". She has convinced all of them I am dangerous and emotionally disturbed. She has absolutely nothing to back this up except that people believe her because she is my "concerned and caring" mother.
I am crushed to the point of not being able to move. I keep thinking I should get out of bed - I have so much to do but I just want to hide. And the tears - the tears won't stop and there is absolutely no one to talk to. I have literally been maneuvered and kicked out of my own family because I was molested as a child. I feel so pathetic that my only option is telling my blog. I am confiding to people who I don't know and will never meet because there is no one else in my life. I feel like a mistake and as if I don't belong here.