Saturday, July 11, 2009

Full of Grace

Mr.S has told me he can see the spiritual side of me and he believes I'm a spiritual person. Other people tell me all the time that is "something" about me that is spiritual, tho they cannot pinpoint exactly what they mean. I don't know what they mean and I haven't been to church in months.

Tomorrow is Sunday. I won't be in church yet again and I'm bothered by why I haven't the drive to attend. I'm obviously not bothered by it enough to get myself there.


I'm always searching for something. Something I feel is absent and haunts my thoughts and my dreams. I was raised in a church my Grandfather helped to establish. My family helped to write the doctrine. I was revered and included in everything the church stood for. Belonging to this church was my life, tho it was never pounded into me.My life is finally settling down, I'm learning to be happy living alone, yet I find something still greatly askew and I'm not sure what it is. Many times a day, I wonder where I fit in to the greater aspect of things. I wonder where God is in my life. I wonder where the grace is that was once meant for me. I am no longer the person I used to be, I used to be Full of Grace, now I just too often feel lost.

Sara McLaughlin
Full of Grace

The winter here's cold,
and bitter
It's chilled us to the bone
We haven't seen the sun for weeks

Too long, too far from home
I feel just like I'm sinking
And I claw for solid ground


I'm pulled down by the undertow

I never thought I could feel so low

Oh, darkness, I feel like letting go


If all of the strength, and all of the courage,
come and lift me from this place

I know I could love you much better than this

Full of Grace,

Full of Grace,
My love


So it's better this way, I said

Having seen this place before
Where all the things we said and did,
hurts us all the more

And just as we've stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin


I'm pulled down by the undertow

I never thought I could feel so low

Oh, darkness, I feel like letting go


If all of the strength, and all of the courage,
come and lift me from this place

I know I could love you much better than this

Full of Grace


I know I could love you much better than this
It's better this way

4 comments:

Just Be Real said...

Dear one, give it time for returning to church. You can be in the presence of God at home too. When you are ready to return and be among other believers, you will.

Ahhh, Sara McLaughlin.... thank you for sharing Full of Grace.

Blessings and ((((Ivory))))

VICKI IN AZ said...

I will come back later my dear.
I just wanted to tell you hi and that this is my favorite healing song. I love it so much.
Talk to you soon,
Vicki

VICKI IN AZ said...

Ivory,
You are in the right place, wondering what? will bring you to what you seek. The Savior asked, "What seek ye, What is it you want?" Then he asked us to Come Follow ME see what I do, see where I go, do what I do. Be patient and kind and loving with yourself He is. He has all the time you need.

Ivory said...

JBR,
This is one of my favorite songs, too! Thank you for the encouragement, I wonder if my faith has been tested too much.

Vickie,
It seems I am more patient than other people are. Several months ago, church friends were telling me I needed to come back to church, now it's been so long, I don't even hear from them anymore. This is so frustrating, not knowing where I belong...
Thanks for caring.