My daughter was here and spent the night of July 3rd with me. I am always happy when she visits, but this time, I couldn't help but see how far out of her life I have become.
I expected it years ago. I thought I was prepared for it. When it actually happens, tho, it's like being slammed into a moving truck. She has grown up wonderful, conducts herself in such a way to make any parent proud, and she's associated herself with good friends and a good fiance. In other words, she has her own life, that no longer includes me.
She sometimes distances herself from me, I think, so that my DID, divorce, and issues brought on by those things don't bring her down. I understand even that because she has had her own share of the pain because of it. I never wanted my problems to become her issues, but in a way, they did anyway. She is the only person (other than T) in my life who has not walked away from me in the last 4 years, literally, the only person. But by virtue of growing up, she she will, as well. That is as it should be.
I think when a person's only close family member dies, a survivor grieves and gets on with life. Other people step in and fill familial roles, keeping the survivor included and involved. When people are faced with someones emotional survival, tho, they turn their backs quite often, even when there is no danger and there are no requests. Part of the healing process for someone with DID involves not only the children we once were, but the siblings, the parents, and even friends. But, when everyone leaves, but still lives, there is no way to grieve and move on. (it's called coping, but I never seem to move on)
There is a part of me who still needs acceptance from my mother, I need inclusion and interaction from my siblings, and I would like to have a friend who doesn't lean on me so heavily that I cannot support us both.
...and I'm not in church again this morning, it has been months.