Thursday, June 4, 2009
Watch Out! Toxic Parenting! 2
Posted by Ivory at 7:37 AM
"Well, she just had to point out that my stomach was like hers: Round, not flat. And then she said yours was flat."
"So, she must like you more than me. It figures, you'd be the one."
"One for what."
"You idiot. It won't be flat for long."
A year and a half later, I was raped and got pregnant. She was right, I got fat. And so went the rest of my life.
When I was 23, I began to gain a lot of weight. Mom was finally happy. She teased me and belittled me in front of everyone about being fat. I weighed about 130 (I'm 5'4"). When my husband and I moved to another state, I really got fat. Two years later, I lost down to 112 pounds. My mother hadn't seen me since I began to diet and the first thing she said when I walked into her house was, "Oh my God! You look sick! What in the world have you done to yourself?" Emotional murder.
4. My mother never believed I was cognitive enough to know if I was hurt, sick, sad, or in pain. I guess she thot little kids were just moving tree stumps.
a) I stepped on a nail, accidentally of course. It was stuck in the very middle of the bottom of my foot. I went in to my mother and she wrapped a long piece of torn cloth around and around my little foot because she wanted to let me go back outside and leave her alone. She tied the ends in a knot - on the bottom of my foot, right on top of the hole left by the nail. When I limped away from her, she reached out and bapped me on the head and said, "Straighten up, it can't be that bad." I was 7.
b) My mother taught me that pain is not a valid experience of life. I was shamed if I cried, shamed if I couldn't keep something from being uncomfortable, and shamed if I couldn't control my child emotions. On a cool summer evening, my family was walking down the street towards the movie theater to see Sleeping Beauty. My brother caused me to break my nose on a parking meter.
I wasn't taken to the Dr., I wasn't even fussed over. My mother told me to shut up and stop making a scene ('cause, like, I was crying - duh). We all went to the movie anyway and I couldn't even see most of it because my eyes were swollen, tho from crying or the break, I don't remember. She even smacked my head a time or two and hushed me so my sobbing wouldn't bother anybody.
The ultimate ignorant thing my mother has said to me was when my brother confronted me about the abuse, just 4 years ago. He didn't believe me and was yelling and swinging his arms around. Mom got so upset that she leaned over towards me and hissed, "Oh, how do you even know you were hurt, you were just a kid?" Verbatim, that's what she said to me. I didn't even know how to respond. At least she's consistent.