Hi, Mom. I'm sorry I didn't come see you this weekend. I just couldn't. I wanted to invite you to my house for dinner, but I knew you'd rather be with your other children.
Your granddaughter and her fiance are coming for the day. Yes, I said fiance. They are finally getting married, but I won't be telling you or my brothers and sisters. She has decided not to invite any of you to her wedding. She wants her special day to be as stress free as it can be. I bet you'd never thought she'd feel that way about you, did you?I hope you like the card I sent you. I love butterflies. I am ashamed that I looked for a card that said Happy Mother's Day without saying "I love you", or made overtures about how great a mother you are or how much you mean to me. I refuse to say those things to you again, ever. You never say them back.
You will be upset with me for mailing the card, won't you, instead of stopping by on my home after work. I just didn't want to see you on this day for honoring mothers. I wish I could honor you. Most of my life, I have wanted to honor you until, finally, I've realized you believe it is my duty to do so. Just yesterday before I mailed your card I thought of how all thru the year, you visit Dad's grave at the end of my block, but you never knock on my door. You never call and you send my birthday and Christmas cards.Why do you not like me? I have scurried around trying to please you all of my life, believing that I'm over-looking something because no matter what I do, you make fun of me, tell my secrets to everyone you meet, and you are disrespectful to me. Everything bad that happens to me, you tell me it's because I'm bad and it's all my fault. How am I bad, Mom?
I finally see that I am not bad, you are. You with your holier than thou attitude, are a bad mother, yet I cannot tell you to your face. I cannot tell you that I hate you for making me give up my own flesh and blood and I did so willingly because I was dumb enough to believe that this would be the ultimate sacrifice and it would be enough, it would be big enough to earn your love. Even that was not enough. But you fell in love with the daughter I adopted, didn't you?
Now, you are blaming me because she has stepped up to my side in defense of HER mother. You don't know why, do you? It is because she loves me. That is not a familiar concept to you, is it - that someone loves me? You cannot imagine what there is for her to love, can you? It's because I cherish her with all my heart AND - I kept her safe, Mom. She'll never know what goes on during evil rituals or what it's like to go ignored by a parent or be unloved all of her life.
She loves me mom, because I am a good mother. I wish I could share that with you - share my experiences as a mother, but you have never cared. I'm sorry that you will never know me. I am a good person, Mom. I have loved you with all my heart, all of my life. I wish you wanted my love. Every time I visit you I foolishly hope this will be the magical day that you will tell me you have made a mistake and that you finally see I am your child, too, and I need love, too, and that I am worthy.
Maybe next year.
Happy Mother's day, Mom. I love you.