Tuesday, April 7, 2009

No Boundaries for Me

I have to continue the previous post: My daughter is not inviting any of my family to her reception, either. I am so torn about it. But she is upset with all of them and on one hand, I agree. When my husband left me, he convinced all of them that I deserved it, because I was crazy. I guess I should do some explaining:

Nearly 5 years ago, I sought the help of a therapist. I might have gotten by without my T, but my husband had put his plan into action of making me believe I was losing my mind. I was not aware, then, that my colors were alters; all I knew was that my world was crumbling down around me.

So, in my T's office, I tried to hang on to a sense of normalcy, which wasn't easy because nearly from the start, my T began talking to my alters, he just didn't tell me till several months later.

Adding to the problem was, of course my husband's scheme, that was playing out at home, so I was learning about DID and believing my alters were causing the problems at home.

Finally, I realized my husband was to blame for some things and I began to move on with finding out more about the people who abused me. My first logical choice was my mother. I invited her to a therapy session and my T and I told her about my PTSD (not DID) and about the abuse. I asked her a few questions, we explained to her that I didn't blame her in any way for what happened to me because she was taken advantage of, too.
My family has no boundaries. It was a mistake to tell her anything.

She left my T's office, went home and called all of my siblings and cried and screamed to them that I had blamed her for everything. By the end of the week, two of them had called me, threatening me with lawsuits and restraining orders, one had stalked me to a therapy session then followed me to my mother's where a fight ensued and he told me I'd be better off dead. One went to my T's office and told him to stay away from my mother, and the last one, drove 400 miles to stand on my doorstep and tell my daughter that I need to keep my problems to myself.

I haven't talked to any of them (except Mom) for 4 years. Even thru my Dad's death and funeral, I was always left out, (partially my choice) as if I don't exist. There simply is no boundaries, no where for me to hide.




Rhonda said...

I feel so bad for you! My ex-husband did the same thing. Blamed me for everything and said that I was mentally ill and was leaving me for being abusive toward him. Actually he was the abuser and he left me for my best friend. But enough about my problems! I'm so sorry your T didn't tell you about your DID at first but just kept talking to your alters. How horrible! And all of your siblings sound like they are the ones with the problem to me..including your mom for turning the whole thing into something about her instead of comforting you! Safe hugs are here for you if you want them.

Ivory said...

Oh, Rhonda! What a funny (sort of) coincidence - my ex didn't leave me for my best friend: He wanted his girlfriend to be my best friend!

Seriously, how do people know how to do this to someone they are supposed to love? I'm not THAT naive, but I can barely wrap my mind around it.

In all fairness, my T didn't tell me right away because he was trying to make sure 1) I wasn't faking, 2) It wasn't a delusion of some kind, 3) It wasn't schizophrenia (this last one is a guess on my part). He asked me if I wanted to read "When Rabbit Howls". I wouldn't. I have read many Psych books, yet that one I refused to read until several months into therapy. I think my T just didn't want to be "suggesting" anything by jumping the gun and telling me too soon.

Thanks for visiting me, I didn't know that virtual hugs and caring would be so comforting. If you have a blog you'd like to share, I'll come visit you.