I have asked so many times: Is there a God? Yesterday in my therapy session, we talked a lot about God, I like to hear about Him, it gives me insight to how other people think of Him. But...
While reading a post on Life Spacings by Jumping in Puddles, I was suddenly reminded of why having DID is so darn difficult! Gosh! It is in front of my eyes every day and haunts every move and every decision I make and I have sat here for weeks trying to corner a way to explain it!
For me, the most difficult thing of my every day life is that people continually try to change me. If they know I'm in therapy (no one knows why), they try to change me to make life better (for ME). If anyone realizes I am wary of someone or something, catches me at a bad time - like hiding in the bathroom or crying, they start to try to change me. What gives anybody else the right to impose upon me their beliefs and behavior? Just because their way of life is best for them, doesn't mean it will work for me:
"Oh, here, if you just get out more." "If you just trust, me." "If you learn to cope." (okay, that one is my T talking) "If you let me help you." "If you pray." "If you hadn't ..." If you will..."
Who would all this make life better for? Darn it! They need to change themselves. In my session, it finally became blatantly clear that if society would be a bit more accepting and tolerant, I would not be having so much trouble "coping". It is because of how society views people with DID that makes me shrink against the walls and hide around every corner (I don't want to be found out).
Hey, I can't just strip off my alters along with the evil who put them here. It's been right in front of me all along. I have tried for years to be normal and I just can't do it. I wonder if anyone else has had this thought. Wow - what a load off!