Nightmares. I am plagued by nightmares, always have been. For years, I thought they were just residual fright from an over active love of mystery movies. I quit a job after an event that left me traumatized and enrolled in the local community college. That is when everything went to hell in a hand basket.
I loved school but at least one of my alters didn’t agree. In all fairness, I didn’t know I had alters then. I had spent most of my life dodging mishaps, had long been labeled the gutsy, brazen, shy, weird girl of my school. It followed me into adulthood (so did they).
After the first couple of semesters, the classes became a bit more difficult, and my nightmares took on frightening overtones. For instance, here is one of them: I am in the building of the college and just leaving a classroom with many other students when we all realize we need to leave the building quickly. One moment, I was walking toward the exit door with my friends and the next I was in a different hallway with only a few other students. I looked around and realized some of them had gotten out to safety, while the rest of us continued to look for the way out.
We began to run and suddenly, I was the only one left inside and as the evening grew darker, the lights inside went off. I could still see by the flickering ambient light of the sun, so I ran and ran trying to find a door, but couldn’t find one. Then, it was dark, as dark as I have ever experienced. I knew I was in a room with four walls – there was no way out except for a 1 X 2 window about 10 feet above me.
Sliding along the wall, I felt no way in and no way out. Then, I felt a breath on my neck – long, slow, foul breath. As I turned around to the blackness, a clawed hand came up and bumped my chest. The clawed hand had rippled skin and long pointed round claws. The claws bumped me again and a harsh deep voice demanded, “Where is it?” I had no idea what it was asking, but before I could reply, it growled, “I said, where is it? Is it here?”
The hand bumped me again in the chest as if it wanted to know if something was in my chest. I started to cry as another bump came, much harder than the last, “Do you feel it? Is it here? Answer me!” Bump, Bump, Bump. “Will you give him up? Will you give up your God?”
I couldn’t breath and I knew I was about to die. The thing had pushed me up hard against the wall beneath the little window. I looked up and could see the sun must be rising because light softly filtered into the room. Feeling saved, I looked at the hand pushed into my chest and followed its red, boney, arm up to see a dragon with a long nose and yellow eyes. I screamed.
My T tries to help me create a different sense of something that
is bad, in order to give me a new meaning for it.
Click here to watch a great video by Declan Galbraith. The song
is called An Angel and talks about dreams - good ones.
Next: Nightmares Pt. 2 - Moon, I
(my wish to never have nightmares again)