Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Mantra

Outside stimulus's have a great influence on my alters. I've found I can be carried away in a second if something or someone causes me anger, fear, or frustration. But...

I have a mantra. Sometimes, I forget to say it. Sometimes it works. I want to share it with you. If you grasp the meaning, great! If you don't, tell me and I will do my best to explain it because once you "get" it, it's meaning can move mountains for you and/or any alter who stops and thinks about it. When there is conflict, within myself, or with another person, I only need remember...

The person with the least interest...
Has the most power.

Ivory

2 comments:

Kate said...

Hi Ivory,

I understand the meaning. I am still puzzled how that is healing for yous. Please let me know.

Kate

Ivory said...

Kate,

It's healing because I've never had any power in any relationship, even minor relationships. I was taught to bend like a reed in the wind. I do it very well. I let people step all over me and I just smush into the ground. Everyone tells me I need to stand up for myself and I couldn't, until I understood this phrase.

In most confrontations, I have learned to be strong enough to repeat this mantra to myself (I think the first time, Navy whispered it to me).

If I can have the least interest, I walk away with more, or all, the power. For it to work, tho, you have to see the value of not raising your voice, not being aggressive, not blaming, seeing the pettiness in situations, well, not caring about an issue to the point that your behavior reflects it! It is esteem building in a way I never dreamed of. Try it sometime!

At the onset of a conversation, or confrontation, say it to your self, over and over. Focus on finding a way to be less interested in what the problem is and watch the reactions. Usually, if someone else is pushing their issues on me, it is gratifying to make them take it home. Unfortunately, this also works if you are in the wrong and can really P!$$ someone off, so be careful with it.

I hope that explains it well enough - I can get wordy and not really say anything, so let me know if you need more - I love talking about it. It is one of the few "powerful" things I have control over. I guess it's a way of me getting to the point that I can stand up to people.

Here's a recent example:
Since about Easter time, I have not called my mother, or stopped in to see her. That is a HUGE thing. We have all been manipulated into bending to her every whim. It just makes me crazy.

I thot of this mantra and every time I want so badly to stop in or call her, I repeat it, over and over. I don't really want to go because it takes me days to get over it, but her "pull" is so great.

I haven't gone. I've managed to not care (it's in the way I think, really). So, a few days ago, SHE CALLED ME. That is also a big thing because she NEVER calls me. Know how I know I had the power? When I answered the phone, she says, "Are you okay?" Tells me she is wondering where I am and why I haven't come by. She's worrying about it (not me). The whole point is that I've psyched myself up enough that I've begun to shield myself from toxic people. I don't want to put myself thru hell. Each day I don't go there, I think I've survived all new.

She's had complete control over me and my emotions too long. I had to do something. If you repeat something long enough, you begin to believe it and so I'm trying to learn to stay away from her to protect myself. I'm trying to understand that wanting her love and having her love are not the pain, stress, and sadness I feel when I'm around her. That is not love. As long as I'm begging, she's got the control and the power over me to make me do anything to get the love she holds over my head but won't ever give me. If I stop begging, there's no need to tease me with it.