Sunday, March 29, 2009
I AM I SAID
Posted by Ivory at 11:38 AM
I often wonder how to explain the feeling of being DID to someone who doesn't dissociate. (no, it's not by doing drugs). I've felt this way most of the day and this is how I can explain it.
Do you know the Neil Diamond song, "I Am I Said"? If not, please listen to it before you go on reading. Listen to the words. Listen carefully. Listen, and then read on...
Are you back?
Now, internalize those words until you can't tell if you are real and for all accounts, everyone believes you are NOT REAL. You want to be real, you try to be real, but just can't seem to feel real.
Shout it to the room: "I am! I am, I said!"
Does anyone hear you? Does anyone care? SHOUT IT AGAIN! Don't give up.
"I AM, I CRIED!"
"I AM, SAID I!"
Somehow you have an emptiness deep inside that just won't let you go because you want so badly to be real, and you feel so lost and you don't know why.
You can't give up because if you give up, you won't be real. You feel the need to scream out that you are real. You begin to wonder if you are alive because you skin is numb. Are you the dream, or are you the reality? You can't tell, you feel like you are merely energy in the room, watching someone else, with some other name...
Except for the names and a few other changes, if you talk about me, the story's the same one.
I am, I said.